Stories
Kathy Williams knows what it is like to grow up with domestic violence. As a child she experienced it first hand with her parents. The abuse was traumatic and frightening, forming confusion and fear in the life of a young child. Domestic violence scarred the young Kathy but the life changing decision of her father helped to bring healing.
Through the Eyes of A Child
I grew up in a poor home as the youngest of 4 children. During my elementary school years, my father struggled with alcoholism and in his worst moments, he became a mean drunk. I can remember riding in the car while he was drunk and worrying if he was aware enough to stop when the train was coming. When he came home drunk, he was verbally abusive and would become violent. It was common for him to start a fight over the most trivial thing and he would usually end up throwing something at my Mom.
At a very early age I would ask my Mom why we had to stay there with him. She would say, "What am I supposed to do, I don't have anywhere to go that will take 4 kids!". I loved my Dad but didn't understand why we had to live in fear wondering if he would come home to start another fight.
We were very lucky my Mom's brother came to visit a lot and often discussed the Lord and his work with my parents. It was truly a miracle when my Dad gave his life to Jesus. He and my Mom both became born again Christians and the drunk we once feared didn't surface again from that day forward. My Dad spent the rest of his life trying to make up for the harm he had caused. It was because of this upbringing and much other loss I have suffered, I sought to reach out and become an advocate fighting domestic violence and also help in other areas of hardship.
My Dad found out he had throat cancer 2 years ago on Good Friday. He had a massive heart attack hours after his first radiation/kemo treatment. We spent the next almost 2 months taking shifts surrounding his bedside. He passed through hospice care May 20, 2008. We love and miss him dearly to this day.
Although, I was grateful to have many, many years with him in a healthy environment, any time I would or do take a call on the crisis line at Safehouse I imagine myself talking to my Mom on the other end of the phone. It brings back many memories and it has given me a small glimpse of their environment. It is such a serious situation and most of the time while someone is in this situation, they see no alternative on their own like my Mom. It takes an act of bravery for victims to find the courage to reach out for help.
Kathy Williams is a domestic violence advocate and the author of What Can I Say When Words Escape Me, being present in times of sorrow. The book offers a collection of both national and local nature photos and inspirational writings to offer healing and hope to individuals struggling with bereavement loss of any kind. Kathy is also an artist that specializes in memorial type drawings and inspirational writings. To learn more about this artist and her work, visit her website Life Time Art Impressions, her Blog and her Healthy Living column for the Examiner where she shares stories of survivors and offers inspiration. Click here to read her poem set to photography.
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Being a Part of the Solution
by Michele Renaud
As a survivor of domestic violence and abuse, I thought it important for those to understand what my activism has been throughout the years. Fueling the desire to raise awareness, stems from experience. Not necessarily proud to have had these experiences but because of them, I am better able to help others. Without people joining together to make a difference, the cycle of abuse continues from generation to generation and I am glad to be a part of the solution of stopping dating/domestic violence and abuse not only in my own life, my children's lives but hopefully other's lives.
My personal efforts and advocacy began before I was even aware that I was being an advocate. What I mean by this is I have been encouraging, assisting and referring friends and families to escape their abusive situations since 1984. In the past 14 years, my community involvement with People Against Domestic Violence (PADV), a local community grassroots organization, the Putnam/Northern Westchester Women's Resource Center (PNWWRC) , as well as other collaborating organizations, helped bring me from victim-hood to survivor with a voice meant to help others. Two times I appeared on a local Cablethon fundraising televised event, I co-chaired Candlelight Vigils, securing the Silent Witness project as a visual aid along with event speaking to inspire others to get help to live peaceful lives as we honored those who died due to domestic violence.
In 1998-99 during my later college days, as the Vice President of Service for Phi Theta Kappa, Alpha Iota Omicron Chapter, I spearheaded a campus conference with the author of No Visible Wounds, Mary Susan Miller, Phd., teaching students and staff about the non-physical aspects of domestic violence. At the same time I had written for the campus newspaper about what it is to be in an abusive relationship, offering resources in conjunction with the college Women's forum and area shelter. My personal story has appeared in local newspapers, Women's News (under a false name for safety purposes) and in the author Barry Goldstein, JD.'s first book Scared to Leave Afraid to Stay.
In 2004, I assisted a now retired police department detective in creating the Students Against Domestic Violence initiative, based loosely on the MADD program, with an outline of effective domestic violence tools. This program was required and began with local school districts. It included having trained professionals available for students who might have needed assistance. Unfortunately, there were unforeseen issues in our pursuits and the lack of willing participation, among other concerns, overcame our ability to further pursue our idea. Fortunately, soon after, the PNWWRC had established a periodic program geared to college bound students and that program has developed further since then.
In 2006, I was awarded the honor of "The Shining Light Award" from the above mentioned grassroots organization PADV, along with a citation from NYS Senator Vincent Leibell and Citizen Award from the NYS Assembly. I also spoke on a local radio station. I also volunteered with Women's Center business office and with the PADV.
As an active member of my community, I have continued to educate people I meet, love and know, be it family, friends or strangers. I even encouraged members of my church to become involved with PADV events and support the PNWRRC in whatever way feasible. As you probably know, it is not an easy task to get the general public involved in this harsh reality known as domestic violence. However, in raising awareness, even if it is one person at a time, inevitably we do make a difference.
At this point, I have been preparing a proposal for a local high school to encourage them once again after 6 years, to get a well needed teen focused program to teach our youth about dating violence issues. I am also preparing a petition for on-line and community signatures to be pursued at the local and state level. After doing research on school laws, state laws, acts, bills, initiatives and constitutional rights, we as a people must take action to get our children educated within the venue meant to educate. Just as we do the same for drugs, sex, alcohol and cigarettes, we must teach our children what is and is not acceptable behaviors in intimate relations. Without having the public support these efforts, the invasive societal problems of dating and domestic violence will continue to plague our schools, our homes and our communities.
I have written to my elected officials, (have a cause page on my Facebook) and continue to encourage others to get educated and involved in raising awareness to a universal problem in order to further prevent it. Without the public's involvement the vicious cycle continues.
It is with all that I am, that I wholeheartedly support this mission,and I will continue to do as I feel God led to do so in the fight against abuse. Please know I am seeking as many recruits as possible for the overall efforts and actions not only in my community but for others that can be reached.
Michele has been an adovate for domestic violence for over 25 years in her state. She is also a member of Courage Network.