Nov
27th
"Time's Up" Stop Being a Victim
By Courage Network
Originally
posted at Susan Murphy Milano's Journal
There are no more excuses to stay in a relationship where your safety continues to be hanging by a thread. Waking up day after day without a plan of how to leave the relationship can be deadly. The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction (http://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/) offers exit planning strategies to prevent you from becoming an abuse statistic or the victim of Intimate Partner Homicide. If the Institute can help you strategize to get ready for disconnection, please let us. Most of all, be safe.
Before you announce your thoughts about how unhappy you are or that the relationship simply is not working for you any longer, have a solid plan in place. Women often fail to plan ahead in leaving, underestimating what the abuser can and actually ends up doing.
Susan Powell Example
Susan Powell, a married stockbroker and is a devoted mother to two young sons. Over time, Susan’s husband Josh became more and more controlling. Their marriage deteriorated. At this point in a relationship, many abusers begin to formulate a plan born of anger and desperation.
This plan remains in the abuser’s mind until they notice subtle signs of movement. Perhaps Josh walked into the room as Susan whispered into the phone. When she realized he was in the room, she quickly changed her tone or ended the phone call. Perhaps he learned Susan set up a bank account, and decided she was hiding money so she and the kids could leave.
The signs of movement spark Josh, or any potential abuser, to think of the next level. They think to themselves, “OK, she is going to leave me. I will not let that happen”. He acts as though nothing is wrong. When she goes to sleep, however, Josh leaps into action. He may:
•rummage through her car looking for evidence of her plan–a bank receipt or an unusual transaction or charge
•check her cell phone for any unusual numbers he does not recognize
•search her computer, checking to see which websites she visited
He finds something. Inwardly his anger skyrockets and his heart races. Outwardly, he remains calm and says nothing to Susan. A smile comes to his face. He “caught her,” and he figures in the future, she will pay one way or another.
Susan begins to email a trusted circle of friends about Josh’s abuse and threats. Maybe she keeps a detailed log containing dates and times of the incidents.
Next, Josh does what I label the “smell change.” Susan acts strangely. Josh, like most abusers, literally senses, or “smells” when his environment has shifted. Perhaps Susan verbalizes her unhappiness more often. Maybe she stands up for herself during a fight, where months before she would have backed down and gone to her room without incident.
Most abused women have difficulty hiding that “spark of empowerment” from a clever abuser. The abuser smells the spark, like a fox scents prey as he enters a coop full of chickens.
On December 7, 2009, Susan Powell of Utah disappeared. Law enforcement personnel consider her husband Josh a person of interest.
Susan Powell’s case appears no different from millions of cases of intimate partner violence we never hear about, until women disappear and someone finds their bodies. Often no “official documentation” of the abuse exists because the terrified women did not contact police or obtain a court order of protection. Why? Better than anyone, the victims know the court order of protection would not help. The court order of protection would only escalate the level of danger.
Part 1of the article Here- http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/caution-relationship-lane-changes-part-1
[Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visit http://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/ She is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talk http://www.herewomentalk.com/ and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr. Laurie Roth http://www.therothshow.com/) ]
There are no more excuses to stay in a relationship where your safety continues to be hanging by a thread. Waking up day after day without a plan of how to leave the relationship can be deadly. The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction (http://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/) offers exit planning strategies to prevent you from becoming an abuse statistic or the victim of Intimate Partner Homicide. If the Institute can help you strategize to get ready for disconnection, please let us. Most of all, be safe.
Before you announce your thoughts about how unhappy you are or that the relationship simply is not working for you any longer, have a solid plan in place. Women often fail to plan ahead in leaving, underestimating what the abuser can and actually ends up doing.
Susan Powell Example
Susan Powell, a married stockbroker and is a devoted mother to two young sons. Over time, Susan’s husband Josh became more and more controlling. Their marriage deteriorated. At this point in a relationship, many abusers begin to formulate a plan born of anger and desperation.
This plan remains in the abuser’s mind until they notice subtle signs of movement. Perhaps Josh walked into the room as Susan whispered into the phone. When she realized he was in the room, she quickly changed her tone or ended the phone call. Perhaps he learned Susan set up a bank account, and decided she was hiding money so she and the kids could leave.
The signs of movement spark Josh, or any potential abuser, to think of the next level. They think to themselves, “OK, she is going to leave me. I will not let that happen”. He acts as though nothing is wrong. When she goes to sleep, however, Josh leaps into action. He may:
•rummage through her car looking for evidence of her plan–a bank receipt or an unusual transaction or charge
•check her cell phone for any unusual numbers he does not recognize
•search her computer, checking to see which websites she visited
He finds something. Inwardly his anger skyrockets and his heart races. Outwardly, he remains calm and says nothing to Susan. A smile comes to his face. He “caught her,” and he figures in the future, she will pay one way or another.
Susan begins to email a trusted circle of friends about Josh’s abuse and threats. Maybe she keeps a detailed log containing dates and times of the incidents.
Next, Josh does what I label the “smell change.” Susan acts strangely. Josh, like most abusers, literally senses, or “smells” when his environment has shifted. Perhaps Susan verbalizes her unhappiness more often. Maybe she stands up for herself during a fight, where months before she would have backed down and gone to her room without incident.
Most abused women have difficulty hiding that “spark of empowerment” from a clever abuser. The abuser smells the spark, like a fox scents prey as he enters a coop full of chickens.
On December 7, 2009, Susan Powell of Utah disappeared. Law enforcement personnel consider her husband Josh a person of interest.
Susan Powell’s case appears no different from millions of cases of intimate partner violence we never hear about, until women disappear and someone finds their bodies. Often no “official documentation” of the abuse exists because the terrified women did not contact police or obtain a court order of protection. Why? Better than anyone, the victims know the court order of protection would not help. The court order of protection would only escalate the level of danger.
Part 1of the article Here- http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/caution-relationship-lane-changes-part-1
[Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visit http://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/ She is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talk http://www.herewomentalk.com/ and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr. Laurie Roth http://www.therothshow.com/) ]
Oct
23rd
Abuse Victim Confidential Name Change
By Courage Network
Abuse Victim Confidential Name
Change
by Alexis A. Moore
"I had to fill out paperwork on my new job today. They called yesterday...so I called the Social Security Office to check on my application for a new Social Security Number. They said they sent a letter...must be in the mail because the decision was made on the 16th to deny me a new number. The worker left me a message on my phone...Said, there wasn't enough evidence of ongoing abuse."
"What do I do now?"
This is an actual recent account of the tragic breakdown of resources available to abuse and stalking victims today who are attempting to change their social security numbers and identities to help prevent future harm or worse death.
Survivors In Action continues to receive thousands of requests from domestic violence victims from across the nation desperate to find the "magic bullet" to get social security administration to accept their application for social security number change.
Victims continue to rely upon volunteer victim advocates with Survivors In Action along with public officials to help cut through the red tape when requesting a social security number change.
Social security number changes are for many abuse and stalking victims a matter of life or death because of the datafurnishing agencies
of today and technology. It is easy work for batterers and
even those behind bards to locate a person using the net
today.
The majority of the requests that are sent in to the SSA, Social Security Administration by abuse and stalking victims requesting a social security number change are denied on the same basis, "not enough evidence of ongoing abuse."
As a victim I can attest to the fact that for those like me who have applied to SSA for this change receiving this canned response in the mail is support for the need for DV REFORM and for allocating dollars to improving the social security administration response and promoting awareness of id change for victims of stalking and abuse.
Special thanks to Senator Mike Rogers in Alabama for his office's assistance helping victims of stalking and abuse. It is my hope that more public officials from across the U.S. will follow suit.
If you are a domestic violence victim being given the "run around" by social security administration officials here are some easy steps for you to use to cut through the red tape.
1) Obtain letters from your local public officials in support of your social security number change. A simple statement from your assemblyman or local senator can make a big difference in cutting through the social security administration red tape.
2) Obtain letters from lawyers, victim advocates, family members, co-workers or any member of law enforcement or individual that will oblige your request to write a support letter.
3) Find a advocate at your local domestic violence shelter or reach out to Survivors In Action we will help you!
There is nothing worse than living or working in fear and SIA knows the importance of victims being afforded safety measures like social security number changes- they are far too often a matter of life or death.
IMPORTANT NOTICE TO VICTIMS CONSIDERING IDENTITY CHANGE:
If you are a victim considering an identity change or name change be aware name changes are often public records so they are not confidential in some states.
For more information on this topic read here
Survivors In Action"No Victim Left Behind"
by Alexis A. Moore
"I had to fill out paperwork on my new job today. They called yesterday...so I called the Social Security Office to check on my application for a new Social Security Number. They said they sent a letter...must be in the mail because the decision was made on the 16th to deny me a new number. The worker left me a message on my phone...Said, there wasn't enough evidence of ongoing abuse."
"What do I do now?"
This is an actual recent account of the tragic breakdown of resources available to abuse and stalking victims today who are attempting to change their social security numbers and identities to help prevent future harm or worse death.
Survivors In Action continues to receive thousands of requests from domestic violence victims from across the nation desperate to find the "magic bullet" to get social security administration to accept their application for social security number change.
Victims continue to rely upon volunteer victim advocates with Survivors In Action along with public officials to help cut through the red tape when requesting a social security number change.
Social security number changes are for many abuse and stalking victims a matter of life or death because of the datafurnishing agencies
of today and technology. It is easy work for batterers and
even those behind bards to locate a person using the net
today.The majority of the requests that are sent in to the SSA, Social Security Administration by abuse and stalking victims requesting a social security number change are denied on the same basis, "not enough evidence of ongoing abuse."
As a victim I can attest to the fact that for those like me who have applied to SSA for this change receiving this canned response in the mail is support for the need for DV REFORM and for allocating dollars to improving the social security administration response and promoting awareness of id change for victims of stalking and abuse.
Special thanks to Senator Mike Rogers in Alabama for his office's assistance helping victims of stalking and abuse. It is my hope that more public officials from across the U.S. will follow suit.
If you are a domestic violence victim being given the "run around" by social security administration officials here are some easy steps for you to use to cut through the red tape.
1) Obtain letters from your local public officials in support of your social security number change. A simple statement from your assemblyman or local senator can make a big difference in cutting through the social security administration red tape.
2) Obtain letters from lawyers, victim advocates, family members, co-workers or any member of law enforcement or individual that will oblige your request to write a support letter.
3) Find a advocate at your local domestic violence shelter or reach out to Survivors In Action we will help you!
There is nothing worse than living or working in fear and SIA knows the importance of victims being afforded safety measures like social security number changes- they are far too often a matter of life or death.
IMPORTANT NOTICE TO VICTIMS CONSIDERING IDENTITY CHANGE:
If you are a victim considering an identity change or name change be aware name changes are often public records so they are not confidential in some states.
For more information on this topic read here
Survivors In Action"No Victim Left Behind"
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