The Band Aid Remedy Isn't Good Enough
Originally published at
"Time's Up!"
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
The Band Aid Remedy Isn't Good Enough
By Lyn
Twyman
For over thirty years, organizations
across the U.S. have been addressing domestic violence, sexual
assault and crime victims with resources and services. We
now have numerous shelters, referral programs, trillions of
pounds of paper brochures and literature and an unknown vast
number of hundreds of thousands of websites. Yet, according
to statistics that are reported, collectively there are still
tens of millions of victims of domestic violence each year.
The actual number of victims are unknown due to the way crime
statistics are gathered, lack of reporting and simply no
reporting.
Within these numbers lies the obvious
victims, the murdered, the women who are shot by jealous men, and
men who are horrifically assaulted by angry women. But,
within these numbers, also lies the silent victims, those who are
still breathing and have not told anyone about their abuse,
straight men and women, homosexual men and women, the disabled,
the elderly, children, teenagers, white collar workers, blue
collar workers, the religious and the missing. They are
physically assaulted, sexually violated, hammered emotionally and
verbally and living in isolation, even the kind of isolation and
torture that comes from abductions like what happened to Jaycee
Dugard and Shawn Hornbeck . Both Jaycee and Shawn had lived
in communities and been victims of violence right under the noses
of neighbors and law enforcement.
What makes it difficult for families
and community organizations to cope with the issue of domestic
violence has nothing to do with a lack of resources because there
are plenty of them. There are programs that have been
created to help facilitate services in every aspect. There
is, however, a lack of a national, cohesiveness around this issue
and a need for true zero tolerance. Just because we have
laws on the books against domestic violence, does not mean, as a
nation, we do not tolerate domestic violence.
Here is an example of why I believe
right here in America we still tolerate violence. Take, for
example, Chris Brown and Rihanna. I know most are tired of
hearing about this once Hollywood celebrity couple. But
many people have heard more about them than the domestic
violence organizations, and many still blame Rihanna for the
violence she suffered that night in February of 2009. There
are allegations that Rihanna began the violence that night and
the couple had had a history of violence. But
many still feel that what happened to her and to the degree of
violence, she deserved. Whether you like Chris Brown or
Rihanna is beyond the point here.
Now more recently in the case of Mel
Gibson and Oksana Grigorieva, many blogs have said, “Oksana must
be a gold digger.” “ She provoked Mel to say what he
said”. Really? Are you kidding me? She deserved
threats to her life, abusive words like bitch and whore and the
one that made headlines "Raped
by a pack of niggers "? Then, Mel goes on
about burning the house down. But yet, this is still
acceptable behavior, somehow, in the minds of many,
justifiable. I do not know all that went on in either
couples’ relationship, but I know the acts of violence that made
headlines was and is wrong.
Also, let us look at how many times we
hear of an assault, particularly against a woman, and the
response to the incident is “Well, what did she do to provoke
it?.” Now think about when a man is assaulted by a
woman? The popular response is often “She must be crazy. “
“ She must have mental issues.” Why is that? Because
society in the back of their minds expects men to naturally
physically retaliate to perceived physical and verbal threats
even if it means with excessive force. Women are not
expected to raise a hand, and when they do, mentally there must
be something wrong. Now, if it is a gay or lesbian couple,
somehow we just do not want to talk about that or we say to
ourselves “'They're just in a heated lovers battle.”
“They'll work it out” or “How funny, two homosexuals
arguing,” thus, more examples of tolerance for violence in this
country. So our attitudes nationally need to change, that
violence from men and women is wrong. How do we get to the
point that we do not accept violence and feel the same way we do
about hunger, poverty, the flu, a broken leg or even
cancer? We should want violence to go away with the same
passion as a sickness, ailment or disease.
The devastating ills of domestic
violence has to become a household issue and can no longer be
swept under the rug, tucked away in some hidden closet only to be
brought out on special occasions, glorified in a sickening sense
like fine china, for the occasions where we hear about the
classic Chris Brown and Rihanna or Mel Gibson and Oksana
Grigorieva, or even in the fatal ends of Steve McNair and
Yeardley Love. As a society, we should be in the habit now
of checking our relationships for domestic violence, abuse and
watching our neighborhoods and communities for signs. But
how do we get to this point? How do we get to the point
where we are not operating by simply putting a band aid on the
problem as the remedy?
I have a ton of respect for national
organizations that have paved the way for domestic violence in
the last 30 years. I know most of them by name, large and
small but only because I am an advocate and have made it a
mission to, not only learn about them, but work to collaborate
with them. But, ask the average American who are the
national domestic violence, sexual assault and crime victims
organizations, and a majority could not tell you, let alone their
own community organizations. If you say the names, however,
of PETA, St. Jude Hospital, American Red Cross or even Feed the
Children, Americans know who they are. So, herein rests my
point.
I do not believe we need any more
national organizations for domestic violence. I believe we
need more community organizations with comprehensive model
programming to empower victims into becoming survivors from start
to finish and not half way or to meet status quo. We even
need programs for abusers before they hit prison such as Donna
Savage's Domestic Violence and AIDS Mission's abuser
hotline: http://www.dvamnj.org.
Additionally, the old saying goes "Crime doesn't
pay," but crime is paying, and it is paying many organizations to
the point that they are not helping victims as they should with
donations and grants, not being clear about spending, to the
point even professed leaders of these organizations, and some
victims, are only looking to profit.
Did you know that next year marks the
16th Anniversary of the Violence Against Women Act (or VAWA,
which has provisions for men by the way) and also marks its
reauthorization? Along with that comes over 700 million
dollars with that reauthorization that will go to various grant
programs to help community organizations, advocates, Federal,
State and local law enforcement, judiciaries and victims programs
just to name a few. Now, take a look at the following link
on the Department of Justice website from the Office of Violence
Against Women: http://www.ovw.usdoj.gov/join-the-list.htm
It is a list of "Celebrities and Other
Public Figures" who have lent their names "to reinforce the goal
of ending domestic and dating violence, sexual assault and
stalking for men, women and children across the country."
There is approximately 100 names on this list and it is not all
inclusive. With this massive list of celebrities, it seems
like there should be awareness and prevention of domestic
violence…
So I ask you, can we create a
heightened awareness for domestic violence? Can this
country take this issue of violence seriously and not politicize
it? Can all states adopt bullying and dating curriculum for
schools? Can women and men victims get complete help and
support without shelters placing conditions on the children in
order to weed out who they help? Can we become a society of
prevention where even the police look to prevent violence, like
the Royal Canadian Mounted Police ,rather than react to it at
every turn? Can social workers and judges be trained on
violence and not enter the field with an assumption they
understand the issue? Can we have a surgence of community
organizations with comprehensive programming and more national
awareness to drive support back to them?
I have reached out to several national
organizations, who I believe have carved out a critical,
pain-staking path for this country, asking them to take the lead
in this matter because they play a crucial part of this social
problem. At the end of the day, it is not about who can get
to the finish line first, but who can get to the finish line with
the most survivors and those living resilient lives.
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