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Courage Magazine

Welcome to Courage Magazine!  If you are a blogger or someone who has valuable information to share about domestic violence to help the community, we encourage you to submit an article to our blog.  All entries are subject to approval before posting to Courage Network.

Dec 5th

Dedicated to Those Who Still Have a Fighting Chance

By Courage Network

It’s been almost 11 years ago that I met a beautiful young man who was dying of cancer at the tender age of 18.  I had heard about his struggle with cancer in the local newspaper and new that someone needed to reach out to him and his family.  I was working a full time job then so I asked my preacher at the time if he would pay this young man a visit and he promised me he would.  After 2 or 3 weeks had gone by, I learned that my preacher had not kept his word and I became livid.  ‘Why am I giving this man my tithe money when he can’t even get his ass in the car and visit someone who is sick as the rest of us are at work struggling to make a living?’ I thought.

I then made the decision to make the visit myself and I asked another church member, who knew the family of the young man, if she would go with me to visit them after I got off from work.  She agreed and in the cold and chill of December, we drove down an old, back country road to a white cottage in the darkness of the night out in the woods.  Once we arrived at the home, we were met by some of the friendliest of people, given the circumstances.  The new friend that I met that night, who I always call now my Charlie, was laying in the living room on his hospital bed, connected to a morphine pump as his source of pain relief and sustenance.

What happened that night I have never forgotten as I watched this young man, who did not have much left to his frail being, wake from his sleep  and he began speaking to me, though he couldn’t see me as the cancer had taken most of his sight.  We talked and I learned about his favorite instrument, his favorite sport, even his favorite flower.  I also prayed with him that night asking God to be by his side and Charlie received assurance that he would go to meet his Maker.  Minutes later, he drifted back to sleep but before he did, I gave him a red Bible.

Charlie died three days later on December 26th and after speaking with his mother after the funeral had taken place, I learned that he was buried with the same Bible I had given him.  I also learned from his mother that the visit I had paid him gave him renewed strength that she had not seen from him in a while.   He was a more cheerful person in his last three days, making mention of me several times and wanting to know where his Bible was.  On Christmas day, after weeks of not eating because of the effects from the morphine, he awoke asking to get dressed and ate his last meal ever with his family.  I didn’t know that the time I had left to reach him wasn’t that long.  I didn’t know that Charlie was on the verge of death the night we went to see him.  The local newspaper had minimized the state of his condition.

Just like my angel, Charlie, whose life was claimed by a gruesome disease called cancer, there are many victims of domestic violence who are also on the verge of death.  If you and I don’t get to them, don’t talk to them, don’t reach out to them soon, and just wait for other people and organizations to do the work when you and I are just as capable, then it just may be too late.  If we can save them or offer some kind of hope to help them move on and be empowered to take the next steps, then we’ve doing our job.

I know my Charlie died, but he needed someone to come to him and give him some kind of hope as his fate was near.  For those who are being victimized by domestic violence, they still have a fighting chance, however, and that’s the point I want to get across today.

So I challenge all of us who are fighting for the rights of victims of domestic violence, sexual assault to crime victimization, please remember that each person deserves the help and support.  It’s not too late. Each person deserves to be kept safe from their abuser and out of harm’s way with whatever it takes.  Judges, prosecutors, police officers and advocates reading this, ask yourselves are your departments doing all they can do to protect victims?  Politicians and legislators, are you passing laws to keep victims safe or what’s holding you back from making the right decisions to protect your citizens?  Is it that one little clause in a bill that needs to be modified that’s preventing you from voting on it?  If so, then for Heaven’s sake come to a compromise, get it changed and pass that bill!  And family, friends, co-workers, what’s keeping you from talking to the person you love or know about getting help as they are being abused?

If all of us wait for the next guy to come around, just like the lazy preacher I once had, what we’re called to do by Divine Intervention, Providence or Karma will never happen.  So let’s take the time to make this coming holiday and new year a time to be more proactive in our fight for all of humanity.  There are some things we just know we must do that are right.  Someone needs you.  Don’t let anything hold you back.

~Dedicated to my Charlie.  Called home to be with his Maker December 26, 1999.~

Jun 26th

The First Ever Encyclopedia of Domestic Violence

By Courage Network
by Lyn Twyman

I came across a tweet on Twitter @violatorstop that was "Encyclopedia of Domestic Violence | ahomedata.com http://bit.ly/9bOv8Y " and discovered this AMAZING resource for the field of domestic violence that was edited by Dr. Nicki Ali Jackson titled The Encyclopedia of Domestic Violence.  This book was released in 2007 and is the first-ever published encylopedia in the field.  Dr. Jackson has also published articles and edited other books on crime victims.  The complete description of the book from the publisher Routledge says:

"The Encyclopedia of Domestic Violence is a modern reference from the leading international scholars in domestic violence research. This ground-breaking project has created the first ever publication of an encyclopedia of domestic violence. The primary goal of the Encyclopedia is to provide information on a variety of traditional, as well as breakthrough, issues in this complex phenomenon.

The coverage of the Encyclopedia is broad and diverse, encompassing the entire life span from infancy to old age. The entries include the traditional research areas, such as battered women, child abuse and dating violence. However, this Encyclopedia is unique in that it includes many under-studied areas of domestic violence, such as ritual abuse-torture within families, domestic violence against women with disabilities, pseudo-family violence and domestic violence within military families. It is also unique in that it examines cross-cultural perspectives of domestic violence.

One of the key special features in this Encyclopedia is the cross-reference section at the end of each entry. This allows the reader the ability to continue their research of a particular topic.

This book will be an easy-to-read reference guide on a host of topics, which are alphabetically arranged. Precautions have been taken to ensure that the Encyclopedia is not politically slanted; rather, it is hoped that it will serve as a basic guide to better understanding the myriad issues surrounding this labyrinthine topic.

Topics covered include: Victims of Domestic Violence; Theoretical Perspectives and Correlates to Domestic Violence; Cross-Cultural Perspectives and Religious Perspectives; Understudied Areas within Domestic Violence Research; Domestic Violence and the Law; and Child Abuse and Elder Abuse."

Click here to view the full table of contents.

Has your organization heard about this book? This book is a must have for those involved in domestic violence advocacy and EVERY organization needs to have this work.  Thank you Dr. Jackson for putting in the time and effort to creating this great publication, one that is very needed in the field of domestic violence.  We have to create and place more comprehensive resources in the hands of every person involved with this issue.

Jun 24th

Domestic Violence and Mediation: Concerns and Recommendations

By Courage Network

This article was originally post at www.mediate.com/articles/vestala3.cfm and is used with permission.


by Anita Vestal

May 2007


Anita VestalIs mediation an appropriate forum for conflicted couples to resolve issues of marital dissolution and child custody? A review of the literature indicates that serious concerns have been raised about issues of safety, power imbalances, and the rights of the battered woman when mediation is used instead of court litigation (Charbonneau, et. al. 1992; Thoennnes, Salem & Pearson, 1994; Newmark, Harrell and Salem, 1994, Geffner & Pagelow, 1990; Perry, 1994; Fischer, Vidmar & Ellis, 1993.) This article synthesizes recommendations of several researchers and studies conducted during the 1990's to develop a mediation protocol that addresses concerns about the efficacy of mediating with couples who have a history of domestic violence. In addition to suggested techniques and procedures, the article concludes with insights into the societal issues of violence and a long-term strategy for reducing the incidence of domestic abuse.

Why is Domestic Violence an Issue for Mediators?

Domestic violence is prevalent and common in American families. Mediation as a pre-litigation alternative for divorcing couples is growing in popularity and usage. A growing number of states now mandate that couples mediate for family issues such as custody and visitation prior to court intervention. Today, there is a growing potential that domestic violence will be a factor in many cases referred for family mediation. Recent studies have estimated that spousal abuse is present in at least half of custody and visitation disputes referred to family court mediation programs (Newmark, Harrell & Salem, 1994; Pearson, 1997). The abusive relationship may not be disclosed to the mediator in many cases, for many reasons. However, disclosed or not, mediators must understand the potential for one of every two cases referred to them as being domestic violence cases. Family mediators need to know how to identify and process these couples in the most appropriate manner.

Recognizing and Identifying Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is not always obvious or easily recognized. There is a strong tendency to keep it a secret, to deny and minimize what has happened or simply to accept the behavior as a "normal" way of functioning in the relationship. If the couple is unable to identify and label the abuse in their relationship and understand it as abuse, the mediator intervening needs to be alert to interactions they describe that may fit a pattern and history of domestic violence.

The phrase "culture of battering" describes the phenomenon of domestic violence in a way that shifts the focus from isolated episodes of abuse and captures dynamics of a relationship where there is a pattern of domination and control (Fischer, Vidmar & Ellis, 1993). When isolated interactions are described, such as the silent treatment, a glaring look, a stern voice or a critical tone, it is easy to overlook the context of these behaviors and minimize them until they disappear into insignificance. Those outside the intimate relationship cannot understand the meaning of the communication that extends far beyond the words or non-verbal cues. Dutton (1994) cautions that domestic violence should not be understood as simply a list of episodes or a list of aggressive behaviors that can be added up. Rather it is a pattern of interaction that influences the dynamics of the intimate relationship.

Domestic violence and abuse can be grouped into three general categories: physical abuse, sexual abuse and psychological abuse, which include intentional harm to property and pets. Some form of psychological abuse often accompanies physical abuse and sexual abuse. The function of the abuse is to maintain control over another. Physical and sexual violence is easier to identify than psychological abuse. Examples of psychological abuse include (Dutton, 1994):

Threats and intimidation - threats to take the children away or to destroy her financially; attempts to coerce her into illegal activity; displaying or threatening with weapons; destroying objects; menacing gestures; isolation or limited use of telephone or contact with others.

Minimization, denial and blaming - blaming the woman when violence occurs or acting like the abuse is non-existent or not a problem

Using children - to relay messages of intimidation or threat; using custody or visitation proceedings to gain access to the woman or to control her whereabouts.

Using economic resources - unilaterally maintaining exclusive access to cash, credit cards, bank accounts; accruing debt in the woman's name; withholding child support payments.

Use of "male privilege" - making unilateral decisions about such issues as where to live, major purchases, whether she is employed outside the home; sleep or food deprivation; controlling her perceptions by limiting access to information

Emotional abuse and degradation - name calling, insults, inducing altered states through hypnosis or forced drug/alcohol use.

Stalking - repeatedly sending letters, appearing at her work or home, and incessant phone calls that carry the message of intimidation.

Strategies Women Use to Resist Domestic Violence

Many find it very difficult to understand why a woman would allow or put up with an abusive relationship. Those who have not experienced domestic violence may assume that termination of the relationship would equal termination of the violence. That is not always the case, however. The separation process can sometimes signal an abrupt increase in violence; the most dangerous time for women in abusive relationships is when they are in the process of attempting to separate physically or legally. Research has indicated that the frequency and severity of abusive attacks increases just prior to or during the time that they have made the decision to leave or to separate (Geffner & Pagelow, 1990; Dutton, 1994; Pearson, 1997).

The strategy of separating or terminating the relationship is not always sensible or preferred due to economic, health and social factors as well as children's needs. It is simply not a viable option for many battered women. These women do, however, resist the violence and abuse in a number of ways. Dutton (1994) categorizes battered women's help-seeking strategies into three classifications: personal, informal and formal. Personal strategies for resisting domestic violence include hiding, disguising her appearance, compliance with his demands, or fighting back. Informal ways that women seek help in their resistance include telling family or friends, seeking shelter, and seeking support groups. The third category consists of formal strategies such as calling the police, filing for divorce or separation, seeking mental health or medical intervention.

Behaviors that are associated with feelings of powerlessness take many forms depending on the nature of the relationship and the characteristics of the partners. The partner who is feeling powerless may use competitive strategies such as aggression, violence, opposition, manipulation, fighting back, or using power over others. She may exhibit attitudes of distrust, suspicion and defensiveness. She could be clannish, isolated and withdrawn or hypersensitive and paranoid.

Since domestic violence in a frequent problem in family mediation (Pearson, 1997), family mediators need to look for the potential for domestic violence even though both parties may deny it. When there are descriptions of fighting and confrontation, calling the police, hiding from him, or seeking shelter with friends or family members, these are signals of abuse in the relationship that should not be ignored by the mediator. Signs and Signals That Violence / Abuse Might be Present in the Family

When a contested custody case reaches mediation, particularly in states where mediation is mandatory for these cases, it is important for the mediator to understand that there is a very strong likelihood that domestic violence does or has characterized the relationship (Pearson, 1997). Batterers use violence to maintain the upper hand and control their spouses. Thus a woman in mediation usually cannot advocate for herself without fearing the response of her abusive partner (Geffner & Pagelow, 1990).

Mediators need to be alert to the common occurrence of minimizing domestic violence and reframing the intentions of the abuser. Victims regularly erase the violence against them by glossing over the reality of violence in their descriptions, or leaving out significant aspects of the violent episodes. Battered women may also assign innocent intentions to the abusive partner, convincing themselves and others that it was only an accident or he did not intend to cause pain (Cobb, 1997). Women often tend to deny their suffering while the abusers deny their culpability.

Werner (1994) researched communication behaviors in mediators and parties involved in child custody mediation. While the study was not focused on issues of domestic violence, it noted the behavior of unsuccessful couples as being more competitive. They used behavior that was confrontative such as blaming, faultfinding, accusing; dominating the conversation; interrupting; being critical; making threats. The implications of these findings for couples in mediation might be that highly conflicted couples exhibiting confrontative communication patterns such as those noted may be enmeshed in patterns of domestic violence.

Reactions to feelings of powerlessness are very strong in battered women. Her feelings may include insecurity, guilt, anger, resentment, exhaustion, hopelessness, inferiority, shame, incompetence, and helplessness. Grim feelings that may remain with her are fear, pain, depression, and self-hatred. Geffner and Pagelow (1990) argue that fear is always present when battered women confront their abusive partners. Batterers use their anger and violence to maintain the upper hand and control their partners. Thus a woman in mediation cannot advocate for herself without fearing her batterer's reaction.

Understanding How Partners Get Stuck in Abusive Relationships

While the prevalence of abuse between spouses is well documented, the tendency to keep it a secret is still quite common. Pearson (1997) notes that relatively few people acknowledge domestic violence unless asked in a very direct and specific manner. It is very difficult for a woman to admit what is going on and there is often a cover up by both the woman and her abusive partner. She may be in a state of denial. She may minimize the abuse to fit with her own self-concept that she does not deserve such treatment, therefore it is not happening. Mary Ann Dutton describes cases where the secrecy of domestic violence has been so complete that no one other than the battered woman has clear knowledge of it. Family and friends either deny it or were shielded from knowledge of the abuse; bruises were hidden by clothing; and absentee employment was masked by sick leave or changing jobs (Dutton, 1994).

Mediators who have never experienced such abuse on an interpersonal level, or who have not been trained to identify and cope with domestic violence may have difficulty understanding or believing what they hear from either or both partners.. One question that is perplexing for those who have never been exposed to such abuse is "why didn't she leave if it was really that bad?" Another common myth is that the woman brought the violence on herself and therefore she can change her behavior to stop or resolve it (Cobb, 1997; Dutton, 1994). Both of these reactions are flawed.

Leaving the relationship is an option that may be open for a minority of women. But as noted earlier, there are inherent risks of safety, since violence tends to escalate following the decision to terminate or separate from the relationship (Geffner & Pagelow, 1990; Dutton, 1994; Pearson, 1997). In addition to safety factors there are other difficult barriers to leaving that include the children's well being, economic and social issues. Battered women stay with their partners due to fear, lack of money, and lack of a place to go. Isolation is common for many battered women; they do not have a network of family and friends to support them (Warters, 1986).

The second false assumption centers on the woman's responsibility for the abuse; her behavior toward her partner caused him to abuse her. This misconception leads to the erroneous conclusion that she can stop or reduce the violence by changing her behavior toward him. Dutton (1995) notes that both professionals and laypersons often believe the battered woman can stop the violence if only she does the right thing. She notes that "sometimes batterers stop their violent and abusive behavior, but whether they do depends on the batterer, not on the battered woman's response to violence." (Dutton, 1995, p. 26). Cobb analyzed the mediation discourse for several cases involving family violence and found that mediators deflected the woman's requests to address issues of abusive language toward her by her ex-husband. In response to her repeated requests to ask him to agree to stop calling her names, the mediators suggested that she consider what she could do to limit it or not answer when he makes a remark. "Women are constructed as more able to change and therefore as bearing more responsibility for ending violence. By implication, victims are responsible for their own victimization." (Cobb, 1997, p. 20).

These pervasive attitudes - the fear and shame of the battered woman, the notion that the woman causes the abuse and therefore can stop it, and the insinuation that the woman is responsible for changing her behavior to minimize the violence directed toward her - keep women stuck in abusive relationships. Our society has historically maintained the "sanctity of the family." Public involvement in family matters is only a recent phenomena; and many members of our criminal justice system still believe that men are entitled to rule the family without much intervention from the law or the court. As long as society lacks the supports to enable women to be heard and understood, as well as to provide her with viable options, countless women will have no real choice but to stay in abusive relationships.

What Interventions Help Mediation Programs Deal with Cases of Domestic Violence?

It is clear that domestic violence is common in disputes involving divorce, child custody and visitation issues. Given the prevalence and challenges of these cases, mediation programs should be prepared to deal effectively with them. There are three general approaches to this preparation: 1) education and training of family mediators 2) screening of all divorce and post-divorce cases to determine which cases are appropriate for mediation 3) employing specialized techniques and procedures before, during and after the mediation sessions. In this section, the specialized techniques and procedures are outlined. Discussion of the first two interventions - screening of cases and training of mediators - follows in subsequent sections.

Just as the foremost rule of any professional intervention should always be first do no harm, mediation programs should consider the safety of the parties to be of primary concern. There are features that should be introduced in family mediation programs to address the parties' safety, the mediator's safety and measure that are related to facilities and atmosphere. Chance and Gerencser (1996) list several measures to modify the facilities, such as:


  • Spacious conference rooms that allow for easy and unencumbered escape
  • Conference tables the provide a barrier to immediate contact
  • Clearly marked exits
  • Separate and safe waiting areas
  • Metal detection devices

Measures to safeguard the parties should recognize the inherent risks in allowing a violent person to know the time and place where his partner will be present for mediation (Pearson, 1997). Such personal measures could include the visible presence of a peace officer and escorts to accompany clients to the parking lot after mediation. It is also important that the woman have a safety plan if violence has escalated or if she anticipates that it will. The mediator may be able to help her think through strategies to safeguard herself and the children. She should also be informed about how to secure restraining or protection orders, if necessary.

Apart from policies and procedures to protect the clients from risks from the violent partner, mediation programs can incorporate a variety of techniques to employ during the mediation process. The most important technique is pre-mediation screening, which will be more fully discussed later. The purpose of pre-mediation screening for domestic violence is to determine whether the case is appropriate for mediation. Once it has been determined by a trained and qualified interviewer/mediator that the couple is suitable for mediation, the mediator should use techniques to balance power. The mediator is encouraged to make use of the private caucus, so the woman does not have to agree to anything in her partner's presence. Private meetings give the woman an opportunity to disclose any fears or concerns. (Perry, 1994).

Additional techniques recommended by Salem and Milne (1995) include mediation methods where the parties are not in face to face contact. Shuttle mediation is when the mediator moves back and forth while the parties are in separate rooms, or attending sessions at different times. Telephone mediation is suggested when travel and safety issues are a concern. Chance and Gerencser (1996) recommend limited contact during the mediation process when domestic violence has been an issue.

Ground rules can be used to restrict discussion topics and to preclude topics the batterers may want to negotiate such as dropping the abuse charges or modification of protection orders (Salem & Milne, 1995).

Screening Domestic Violence Cases that are not Appropriate for Mediation

Preliminary screening of couples referred for family mediation is conducted to determine whether the dispute and the parties are good candidates for mediation. Pre-mediation screening is highly recommended by many practitioners in the field to determine which cases can be mediated and which cases are not suitable for mediation (Girdner, 1990; Perry, 1994; Chance & Gerencser, 1996; Pearson, 1997; Salem & Milne, 1995; Thoennes, Salem & Pearson, 1994). Writing for the Florida Bar Journal, Judge Chester Chance and mediator Alison Gerencser argue that "Screening all family mediations is imperative and should be mandated for all cases involving family issues." (Chance & Gerencser, 1996, p.54). They further recommend that all participants in family law mediation work together to develop appropriate screening tools.

Salem and Milne (1995) outline several features of a screening process. Battered women are unlikely to disclose abuse without an effective and sensitively administered process. Preliminary screening may include a written questionnaire that is sent to the parties before an appointment or administered at an intake session. Screening may also be conducted over the telephone before the first session. However, the privacy of the screening process should never be compromised (Salem & Milne, p. 37).

There are tools in existence that have been designed to assess issues of domestic violence. The interviewer asks questions specifically about domestic violence. Some of these screening tools include the Tolman Screening Model developed by Richard Tolman at the University of Illinois; Screening Questionnaire used in the study conducted by Newmark, Harrell and Salem (1994); the Ellis Screening Model used in the Maine Domestic Abuse and Mediation Project (1992); and the Conflict Assessment Protocol (CAP) developed by Linda Girdner (1990).

Linda Girdner believes it is the responsibility of mediators to attempt to identify which parties from abusive relationships can benefit from mediation and those that need to be excluded from mediation and referred to other resources. The CAP identifies the parties' patterns of decision-making, fighting and expressing anger, as well as their history of abusive behaviors. The mediator can use this information to assess the dimensions of power and control in the relationship. (Girdner, 1990).

The CAP has four parts: 1) introduction, 2) questions about patterns of decision-making, conflict management and anger expression, and 3) questions about specific abusive behaviors, and 4) closure to the separate screening session. The interviewer doing the screening may or may not be a mediator, but should be trained in recognizing signs of domestic violence. Fischer, et. al recommend that screening should not be done by those with interests in mediation, but by independent persons with skills and sensitivity to identify and assist cases of domestic violence. (Fischer, Vidmar & Ellis, 1993). After the screening interview, cases are sorted in three categories which represent a continuum from non-abusive and non-controlling relationships with equal power on one end to severely abusive, controlling, potentially lethal relationships on the other end (Girdner, 1990).

Three different approaches to mediation are recommended depending on how the couple is assessed with the CAP. Couples who have not had control as a central feature of their relationship and have never had any patterns of abusive behavior (emotional, physical, sexual or economic) by either party are those likely to benefit from mediation conducted in the customary manner.

The second group of couples are likely to benefit if mediation proceeds with specific ground rules, resources and skills available. Couples in this category may have experienced abusive relationship, but none of the factors described in category three (below) are present to exclude the case. The mediator working with these couples must be highly skilled in power balancing, be very knowledgeable about domestic violence and its impact on children and families, and they must have an excellent network of community resources. Ground rules to which both parties must agree for mediation to be effective with these couples are the following: (Girdner, 1990).


  • Acknowledgment of past abuse
  • Encouragement of the abused partner to pursue an order for protection
  • Requiring and monitoring attendance at anger management classes or therapy for the abuser
  • Requiring and monitoring the participation of the abused partner in services for battered women or therapy for the abused partner.

The couples in the third category are those most likely to experience harm and should be excluded from mediation. If one or both parties are unable to negotiate, or if indicators exist that the abuser is capable of seriously injuring his partner, these cases cannot be safely mediated. Interviewers conducting the pre-mediation screening should exclude from mediation couples with the following situational factors: (Girdner, 1990)


  • Abusers who seem to have a need to control the abused partner
  • An abuser who is easily frustrated by the idea of not getting all that he wants
  • An abuser who accepts no responsibility for the abuse
  • An abused partner who discloses that she has been abused, but does not want it revealed to the abuser
  • Patterns of psychological abuse (with or without physical abuse) that has led to a situation where the abused partner identifies with the abuser's needs as primary and necessary for her survival.

In addition to Girdner's criteria, Salem and Milne (1995) warn that mediation is inappropriate when there is ongoing abuse or the batterer uses or threatens to use a weapon. In the report for the Maine Domestic Abuse and Mediation Project (1992), a sample protocol is included for dangerous assessment, aimed at batterers who are life endangering.

Jessica Pearson reviewed court-based divorce mediation program to determine how domestic violence cases are being handled. She found that 80% of the programs surveyed reported screening for domestic violence, but only half of the programs use private interviews to question clients specifically about violence (Pearson, 1997).

Some examples of pre-screening practices include mediation programs in Honolulu, Tucson, Chicago, Portland, Maine, Santa Ana, California, and Litchfield, Connecticut. It is beyond the scope of this paper to describe each site's practices, but two will be described. The others can be found in Jessica Pearson's article in Mediation Quarterly (1997).

In Litchfield, Connecticut, family relations counselors of the court screen all custody and visitation disputes at the point of referral. If family violence issues are noted, the couple and their attorneys are interviewed to determine if mediation is appropriate. If not, the cases are referred for evaluation rather than mediation. All mediation is conducted by male-female co-mediation teams, and parties may opt out of mediation without fear of sanctions. (Pearson, 1997).

In Honolulu, the Neighborhood Justice Center uses telephone screening interviews. If abuse is identified, the abused partner is referred to a pre-mediation counseling program for further assessment. The assessment center may determine she is able to mediate without additional support; or that she can mediate with the support of an advocate; or she is unable to mediation at that time, in which case she may be provided with counseling or referred to other services (Perry, 1994).

Training and Education of Mediators and Family Law Participants

It has been stated earlier in this work that those who mediate domestic violence cases must have very special skills, sensitivity and a network of resources. Perry's (1995) review of the literature indicates a high degree of consensus on this point. The need for training and education of all participants in the family law process - lawyers, judges, clerks of court, and mediators - has been argued by Judge Chance and Alison Gerencser (1996). The training requirements for family law participants do not necessarily reflect expertise or skill in recognizing or responding to signs of domestic violence. "Emerging research shows that because of mediators' orientation and training, they do not know how to respond to the signs of violence or threats of violence; thus, they transform them into procedural issues with the consequences that victims' rights are delegitimized." (Fischer, Vidmar & Ellis, 1993). Sara Cobb's analysis of the domestication of violence in mediation clearly illustrates this concept (Cobb, 1997).

Mediation professionals are drawn from a wide array of disciplines - law, psychology, social work, education and mental health - and bring with them vastly different perspectives. Family mediators who will work with highly conflicted couples need sufficient training to make them aware of the dynamics of family violence and how to respond to it (Salem & Milne, 1995). Even those who work with couples who "passed" pre-mediation screening and were found to be suitable for mediation may pose issues of power and control that were hidden during preliminary screening. Training and education for domestic violence, therefore, needs to be extended to all family mediators, particularly given our historical societal preference for keeping family matters private.

In their review of current policies and practices in mediation and domestic violence, Thoennes, Salem and Pearson (1994) indicate that in programs where mediators receive training in domestic violence issues, they are more likely to ask follow-up screening questions to ensure both safety of parties and integrity of the process. They also noted that programs with heavy caseloads are more likely to have mediators who are trained in domestic violence issues; these trained mediators use special mediation techniques, such as private caucusing, when abuse is identified. (Thoennes, Salem & Pearson, 1994.)

Suggested Protocol for Family Mediation Cases

A simplified summary of the steps and procedures that should be taken to determine the viability of mediation in all cases of conflicted couples would include the following:

1. Family Mediators need to be trained in various aspects of domestic violence
a) How to recognize and identify domestic violence
b) Understanding the woman's options or lack of them in choosing to stay or leave
c) Types of abuse including physical, emotional and sexual
d) Special techniques such as private caucusing and power balancing
e) The safety issues for all involved
f) Common characteristics of abusive partners and abused partners

2. Screening needs to precede mediation. Cases should be categorized based on the results of screening into three categories:
a) Those likely to benefit from mediation conducted in the customary manner.
b) Those likely to benefit if mediation proceeds with specific ground rules, resources and skills available.
c) Those most likely to experience harm and should be excluded from mediation.

3. Process skills and special techniques designed to balance power and create an expectation of cooperation and the mediator should skillfully employ fairness. These techniques could include power-balancing moves, appropriate use of structured and directive questioning and private caucusing.


Mediators Can Cultivate an Understanding of Violence in a Societal Context

Mediators need to be sensitive to unconscious attitudes of their own about the strength and dominance of the man and the submissiveness and flexibility of the woman. It is common for mediators to discount violence by reframing it away; it is also common for mediators to expect the woman to change her behavior during abusive episodes. Cobb (1997) analyzed 30 community mediations sessions and found that in 80% of the sessions, mediators "domesticated" the violence stories told by the parties until the violence disappeared. Through the process of transforming complaints into requests, the violence becomes irrelevant and "dehistoricized." Women are constructed by mediators as more able to change their behavior and attitudes; therefore when women ask for agreements from men to stop their abusive behavior, the mediators turn this request back to the woman, asking her "what can you do to change your behavior?" (Cobb, 1997)

Family violence is a manifestation of generations of culturally learned behavior and attitudes that place aggression and dominance on par with leadership and success. Galtung (1996) sees violence as either direct, such as killing or inflicting injury, or structural, such as exploitation, repression, and marginalization of individuals or groups. Structural violence is "built into" society and condoned and legitimized through generations of traditions. Examples of ways we have legitimized violence and the male's dominance over the woman are in attitudes such as "the man rules the roost" and "a man's home is his castle". Our society glamorizes the military, which is traditionally male and traditionally violent.

Mediators who are dealing with conflicted couples need to be aware of their own feelings about gender roles, power and violence in order to perceive the issues objectively. At a time when feminists are suggesting that mediation keeps the "secret" of domestic violence locked out of public view, each one of us needs to ask how we can, as mediators, be part of the solution to the societal dilemma of domestic violence.

References

Chance, C.B. & Gerencser, A.E. (1996). Screening family mediation for domestic violence. The Florida Bar Journal, April, 1996, 54 - 57.

Charbonneau et. al. (1992). Mediation in cases of domestic abuse: Helpful option or unacceptable risk? The final report of the Domestic Abuse and Mediation Project. Maine Court Mediation Service.

Charbonneau, P. (Ed.) (1993). Report from the Toronto Forum on Woman Abuse and Mediation. The Fund for Dispute Resolution, Waterboro, Ontario.

Cobb, S. (1997). The domestication of violence in mediation. Law & Society Review, 31, 3 397-440.

Dutton, Mary Ann. (1994). The dynamics of domestic violence: Understanding the response from battered women. Florida Bar Journal, 68 24 – 28

Fischer, K., Vidmar, N & Ellis, R. (1993). The culture of battering and the role of mediation in domestic violence cases. SMU Law Review, 46, 5 2117-2174.

Galtung, J. (1996). Peace by peaceful means: Peace and conflict, development and civilization. London: Sage

Geffner, R. & Pagelow, M.D. (1990). Mediation and child custody issues in abusive relationships. Behavioral Sciences and the Law, 8. 151 – 159

Girdner, L.K. (1990). Mediation triage: Screening for spouse abuse in divorce mediation. Mediation Quarterly, 7. 365 -376.

Newmark, L., Harrell, A., & Salem, P. (1994). Domestic violence and empowerment in custody and visitation cases: An empirical study on the impact of domestic abuse. Asssociation of Family and Conciliation Courts, Madison, WI.

Pearson, J.(1997). Mediating when domestic violence is a factor: Policies and practices in court-based divorce mediation programs. Mediation Quarterly, 14, 4, 319 - 333.

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Salem, P. & Milne, A. (1995). Making mediation work in a domestic violence case. Family Advocate, 17 ,3, 34-38

Tolman, R.M. Tolman screening model. Domestic Abuse and Mediation Project. Jane Addams College of Social Work. Chicago: Univ. of Illinois. (limited or internal distribution)

Thoennes, N., Salem, P. & Pearson, J. (1994). Mediation and domestic violence: Current policies and practices. Center for Policy Research Denver, CO. and Association of Family and Conciliation Courts, Madison, WI.

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Biography


Anita Vestal is a flexible idealist in her many life roles: Mediator, Facilitator, Mentor, Researcher, Writer, Teacher and Trainer. Since 1990 she has had a practice in organizational development and mediation with family, workplace, community parties. She has also held positions in Head Start and adult education at various universities in Texas, Florida and Pennsylvania. In addition to teaching and mediating, she provides training, technical assistance and consulting for community organizations, government and educational programs.

Anita served in the Peace Corps in Latin America for two years. She was the founding executive director of Child Care Consultants, Inc., in York, PA and was Program Administrator for a statewide migrant Head Start program in Florida. Her education includes a BS in Child and Family Development from Virginia Tech, MBA in Management from Texas Tech University and Ph.D. in Conflict Resolution from Nova Southeastern University.

Her research focuses on conflict resolution with young children, mediation, appreciative inquiry, as well as models for systemic peacebuilding. She has published several articles on mediation in child custody, teaching preschoolers to solve their own conflicts, and transformative teacher training. She is a biographee in Who's Who in American Women and Who's Who in America.


Website: www.anitavestal.net

Additional articles by
Anita Vestal
Jun 6th

Online Training for Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault

By Courage Network

Did you know there is online training for domestic violence and sexual assault advocacy?  That's right, there are several courses being hosted by coalitions and trusted organizations that provide online training.  The training not only benefits those that are in the day-to-day trenches of supporting survivors through programs and services, but some also provide a way for those who are considering getting into advocacy or have a need to know more information an  opportunity to receive that information in a relaxed and often learn-at-your-own-pace environment.  The online training ranges from issues like intimate partner violence, danger assessments, immigration, campus sexual assault, child abuse and safety just to name a few.  Some online training is free and others are available at a cost or in conjunction with a membership to a coalition or organization.  So take a moment to visit these resources and see if one of these programs could further benefit your work or just give you a better opportunity to learn more about an issue pertaining to violence.  The more we learn about this issue, the better equipped we become to help others.


Online Training Resources

VAWNET
Training Forums
Intimate Partner Violence Risk Assessment
RAINN training for Crisis Centers and Volunteers
Darkness to Light's Steward of Children curriculum

May 27th

Family Violence Prevention Fund's Speaking Up May 13, 2010 Vol. 16, Issue 5

By Courage Network
Speaking Up

May 13, 2010 Vol. 16, Issue 5

Speaking Up is a project of the Family Violence Prevention Fund. Produced by PR Solutions, Inc., Washington, DC. Phone: 202/371 1999; Fax: 202/371 9142; E-mail: speakingup@prsolutionsdc.com.

CONGRESS CONSIDERS VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN

In recent weeks, two congressional committee hearings have examined the causes and consequences of violence against women in the United States and around the world. On May 5, Office on Violence Against Women (OVW) Director Judge Susan Carbon and other experts testified before the Senate Judiciary Committee about the importance of the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) during the economic downturn. A few weeks before that, on April 15, Representatives Bill Delahunt (D-MA) and Ted Poe (R-TX) testified before the Tom Lantos Human Rights Commission, urging the U.S. to take action to end violence against women and girls around the world by passing the International Violence Against Women Act (I-VAWA).
The Increased Importance of the VAWA in a Time of Economic Crisis
At the hearing on VAWA, Committee Chair Patrick Leahy (D-VT) praised the law, but cautioned that there is more work to be done: “The importance of VAWA could not be clearer than it is today as our country copes with a troubled economy. The safety net VAWA has provided survivors over the years is now a lifeline for many. The economic pressures of a lost job, home, or car can add stress to an already abusive relationship. The loss of these resources can make it harder for victims to escape a violent situation. And just as victims’ needs are growing, state budget cuts are resulting in fewer available services, including emergency shelters, transitional housing, counseling, and child care.”
Judge Carbon commended the Obama Administration for funneling stimulus funds to programs that serve victims of domestic, sexual and dating violence and stalking because these funds fill “critical gaps in services.” But she also cautioned that there is still great unmet need for services and supports. “As we think about reauthorization of VAWA, we must fully incorporate prevention as an essential strategy to ending violence against women,” she testified.
Other witnesses included Auburn L. Watersong of the Vermont Network Against Domestic and Sexual Violence; Lolita Ulloa with the Hennepin County Attorney's Office in Minneapolis; and Richard Gelles, Dean of the School of Social Policy & Practice at the University of Pennsylvania.
Watersong focused on the importance of economic sustainability for victims of violence. “Many VAWA programs contribute to the overall economic sustainability of victims and play a crucial part in victims’ long-term safety and self-sufficiency,” she said.
Ulloa focused on ways that VAWA has benefited victims of violence in the legal system. “When Congress passed VAWA, there was finally federal recognition that crimes of domestic violence, sexual assault and stalking would not be tolerated any longer,” she testified. “As a result, there has been a shift in how violence against women is addressed in the criminal justice offices, and also in how it is viewed in the community. Funding criminal justice offices remains, I believe, a critical need – especially when criminal justice offices forge partnerships with community battered women’s programs and social services.”
Gelles testified that VAWA is “likely to have played a role” in decreasing the rates of domestic violence. The most recent federal data available, which predates the economic downturn, show that rates of domestic violence have decreased by about half since 1993, he said. That mirrors the overall drop in violent crime during the same time period. Gelles recommended that Congress make “funding more effective” when reauthorizing VAWA.
Senators Al Franken (D-MN), Orrin Hatch (R-UT), Amy Klobuchar (D-MN) and Jeff Sessions (R-AL) also questioned witnesses on issues ranging from the backlog of rape kits, to the needs of victims of violence who live in rural communities, to the programs that work best in ensuring that victims are able to get legal assistance.
To watch a webcast or read testimony from the “The Increased Importance of the Violence Against Women Act in a Time of Economic Crisis” hearing, click here.
Violence Against Women: Strategies and Responses
At the April hearing, Representatives Delahunt and Poe testified that violence against women is a serious human rights violation. Around the world, women and girls are systematically targeted in armed conflicts, communal violence and cultural practices, in the workplace and at home.
Representative Delahunt made a powerful case that the United States has made progress in decreasing rates of violence at home, and should build on that success with I-VAWA. “There is no reason this can’t be replicated internationally,” he said. “The time to act is now.”
Representative Poe answered critics who question allocating funds for international work, when domestic budgets are stretched thin. “Despite the fiscal concerns, the United States should be at the forefront of the fight for human rights, because human rights is our business,” he said. “The international crime of violence against women should end and the U.S. should be the leader.”
Ambassador Stephen Rapp of the Office of War Crimes Issues; Dr. Lydia Mungherera, founder of Mama’s Club in Uganda; Humaira Shahid of Pakistan, former member of the Punjab Provincial Assembly; Retired Major General Patrick Cammaert, former United Nations Force Commander; and Gary Barker, Ph.D., Director of Gender, Violence and Rights at the International Center for Research on Women (ICRW) also testified.
Ambassador Rapp discussed the horrors that women living in combat areas experience. He called violence against women, “the major if not dominant tactic of war” and said that “in some parts of the world it is more dangerous to be a woman than an armed combatant.” Retired Major General Patrick Cammaert echoed this and focused his testimony on the role of sexual violence in conflict. He called sexual violence a “security issue” because it tears apart families, undermines stability and prolongs conflict when women aren’t a part of the peace process and perpetrators aren’t punished.
Dr. Lydia Mungherera addressed the intersection of violence against women and girls and HIV/AIDS. Women who are in violent relationships are unable to negotiate safe sex practices and can be prevented from seeking health services, she said, commending I-VAWA’s comprehensive approach to addressing violence in HIV/AIDS prevention. “Women and girls cannot wait another year or another political cycle…I-VAWA must be passed,” she added.
Gary Barker with ICRW emphasized the role of men and boys in addressing violence against women: “We are finding men who don’t believe in violence” and evidence of programs that work. He said I-VAWA would build on effective programs and cited the Family Violence Prevention Fund and ICRW’s work to change attitudes and culture norms in India through cricket. Learn more about the Parivartan and Coaching Boys into Men here.
In addition to Co-Chair James P. McGovern (D-MA), Representatives Anh “Joseph” Cao (R-LA), Donna Edwards (D-MD), Janice Schakowsky (D-IL) and Christopher Smith (R-NJ) attended the hearing.
The United Nations Development Fund for Women estimates that one of every three women globally will be beaten, raped, or otherwise abused during her lifetime. A 2005 World Health Organization study found that of 15 sites in ten countries – representing diverse cultural settings – the proportion of ever-partnered women who had experienced physical or sexual intimate partner violence in their lifetime ranged from 15 percent in Japan to 71 percent in Ethiopia.
As of today, I-VAWA has 95 co-sponsors in the House of Representatives and 29 in the Senate. Click here to send a message to your Senator or Representative and encourage him/her to co-sponsor I-VAWA.
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IN THEIR OWN WORDS AT THE RECENT HEARINGS
“In some countries women are met with violence simply because they want to go to school, work to support their families or marry a man of their choosing. This must change.”
---U.S. Representative and Co-Chair of the Tom Lantos Human Rights Commission James McGovern (D-MA), “Violence Against Women Strategies and Responses,” April 15, 2010
“It is socially unacceptable and criminally responsible to treat women and girls like property.”
---U.S. Representative Ted Poe (R-TX), “Violence Against Women Strategies and Responses,” April 15, 2010
“I hope our colleagues will join us in supporting the International Violence Against Women Act. This isn’t a partisan issue, or a women’s issue. It is a human rights issue.”
---U.S. Representative Bill Delahunt (D-MA), “Violence Against Women Strategies and Responses,” April 15, 2010
“Violence against women is a destabilizing factor around the world and this violence impacts us.”
---U.S. Representative Jan Schakowsky (D-IL), “Violence Against Women Strategies and Responses,” April 15, 2010
“When women are able to live a life without violence, they can build strong communities and families.”
---U.S. Representative Donna Edwards (D-MD), “Violence Against Women Strategies and Responses,” April 15, 2010
“While I fully recognize that tough decisions need to be made about spending federal dollars in the current economic climate, federal investment in protecting women and children from domestic violence is especially necessary at times like this. It is no secret that domestic violence becomes more pervasive in times of economic distress.”
---U.S. Senator Russ Feingold (D-WI) in a statement, “The Increased Importance of the Violence Against Women Act in a Time of Economic Crisis,” May 5, 2010
“I am really pleased to work with my colleagues to get VAWA [Violence Against Women Act] reauthorized. Although an economic crisis does not cause domestic violence…I have concerns that the current economic downturn affects violence.”
---U.S. Senator Orrin Hatch (R-UT), “The Increased Importance of the Violence Against Women Act in a Time of Economic Crisis,” May 5, 2010
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OUTREACH – TIME TO ACT ON JJDPA
Now that Congress has passed health care reform, it’s time to urge Members to turn their attention to other crucial issues that affect our health and safety, including the Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention Act (JJDPA). It’s time for violence prevention advocates to speak out and tell Congress to make juvenile justice reform a priority this year and help youth who have been exposed to violence!
The JJDPA was first enacted in 1974. It provides federal funding to states that comply with a set of best practices aimed at avoiding the detention and incarceration of young people in juvenile and adult facilities. However, this law is three years overdue for reauthorization! The Senate Judiciary Committee has approved a JJDPA reauthorization bill (S. 678) but the full Senate has yet to act. The House of Representatives Education & Labor Committee has held hearings, but they have not yet moved reauthorization legislation.
This reauthorization marks an important opportunity to more adequately address the needs of young women who have experienced violence and trauma. Nationally, studies show that a history of sexual victimization and physical abuse is one of the most commonly shared attributes of girls in the juvenile justice system. According to The Brookings Institute, 92 percent of incarcerated young women are victims of abuse. In fact, often a young woman’s contact with the criminal justice system is a result of behaviors she adapted to overcome poverty, racism and abuse. For the first time ever, the this reauthorization could mean that JJDPA addresses the specific needs of girls who have been exposed to domestic and dating violence, sexual assault and stalking.
If you agree that it we should develop gender-specific services that include prevention, intervention, education and awareness-raising about domestic and dating violence and sexual assault for young women in the juvenile justice system, and develop effective juvenile justice programs such as alternatives to detention and incarceration, contact your Representative now and urge him/her to introduce and move a bill in the House this year!
Here’s how you can help:
• Meet: Ask for a meeting with your representatives in the House and Senate to discuss the JJDPA;
• Write a Letter: If you are not able to get a meeting scheduled, send a letter to your Members of Congress to support JJDPA reauthorization. Sample materials can be found here;
• Join: Join the Act 4 Juvenile Justice campaign Fan page on Facebook here;
• Share: Spread the word with your friends and share this Action Alert!
For additional information including sample letters, click here.
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OHIO TEEN WINS NATIONAL THAT’S NOT COOL CONTEST
Lara Beck, a junior at Washington High School in Massillon, Ohio, has been named the winner of a national contest to design a new “Callout Card” – a brief, creative message in “teen speak” that raises awareness about preventing digital dating abuse. The contest is part of the That’s Not Cool campaign, a national public service awareness effort designed to help teens recognize digital dating abuse and take steps to prevent it. The contest was sponsored by the Family Violence Prevention Fund (FVPF) and the National Football League Players Association (NFLPA). As the Grand Prize winner, Lara attended and walked the red carpet at the NFL PLAYERS Gala in Washington, D.C., which honors players for their commitment to team, family and community, in April.
The FVPF, Advertising Council and R/GA launched That’s Not Cool last year. Each month the campaign generates nearly 70,000 website visitors, and thousands of those teens send That’s Not Cool Callout Cards (e-cards with a brief message like the one Lara created) to their friends and dating partners.
“I’m so excited that I won this contest and that I get to go to the NFL PLAYERS Gala,” 16-year-old Beck said. “Dating violence is a serious issue and I designed a Callout Card to convey, in a straightforward way, that teens who are in bad or dangerous relationships should get help and get out.”
Digital communication is central to teens’ lives and relationships. With these new technologies come the risk of digital dating abuse, which includes unwanted, repeated calls or text messages; hacking into e-mail; spying on social networking accounts; or being pressured to send private or embarrassing pictures or videos.
“Our That’s Not Cool campaign has reached thousands and thousands of teens like Lara, all across the country, helping them recognize that controlling behavior can cross the line and become abuse,” said FVPF President Esta Soler. “We are delighted with Lara’s powerful and creative entry, and so proud that she is representing the campaign at the NFL PLAYERS Gala. Her Callout Card will help start conversations about textual harassment and digital abuse, give teens the tools to recognize and talk about it, and encourage them to define what is and isn’t okay.”
“Our organization and the players we serve understand the importance of education and prevention as it relates to dating violence,” said Teri Patterson, NFLPA Special Counsel to the Executive Director.
The four runners-up, Liz Burton from Melrose, MA, Andrea Hovetter from Carlisle, PA, Madeline Rauch from Lexington, SC and Thadeus Bradley from Whitesburg, GA each received autographed NFL memorabilia. Honorable mention winners received That’s Not Cool t-shirts and NFLPA hats. Teens age 13 to 18 were eligible to enter the contest. The FVPF received entries from teens all around the country.
According to Technology and Teen Dating Abuse Survey, 2007 (conducted by Teen Research Unlimited and Liz Claiborne), one in three teens say they have been text messaged 10, 20 or 30 times an hour by a partner wanting to know where they are, what they’re doing, or who they’re with. One in four teens in a relationship have been called disparaging names, harassed or put down by a partner through cell phones and texting. More than half of teen girls (51 percent) say pressure from a guy is a reason girls send sexy messages or images, and 18 percent of teen boys say pressure from a girl is a reason (Sex and Tech Survey, conducted by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, 2008).
That’s Not Cool includes an interactive website at www.ThatsNotCool.com, mobile phone component, television, radio, posters in schools and malls, and online ads all designed to help youth recognize digital dating abuse and give them tools to avoid it. On the site teens can find resources to “draw their own digital line” and a forum to discuss this form of abuse and seek help. That’s Not Cool is supported by the U.S. Department of Justice’s Office on Violence against Women.
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HUMAN RIGHTS LEADER PASSES
Rhonda Copelon, a human rights attorney and City University of New York (CUNY) School of Law professor who helped convince United States federal courts and key international tribunals to recognize gender-based violence and international human rights violations as illegal forms of torture, has died of ovarian cancer.
During her 40-year career, Copelon worked on a range of legal cases involving gender-based violence, racial discrimination, government wiretapping, employment discrimination, and women’s reproductive rights.
“Rhonda Copelon was a passionate and powerful legal advocate for victims of gender-based violence in the United States and around the world,” said Family Violence Prevention Fund President Esta Soler. “She dedicated her life to helping women who suffered human rights violations. It would be impossible to overstate her impact on how courts deal with these atrocious crimes. She was an inspiration to so many of us. We feel this loss deeply and pledge to continue Rhonda’s tireless work.”
Copelon co-founded the CUNY Law School’s International Women’s Human Rights Clinic (IWHR). Under her leadership, the clinic enabled students and activists to participate in a range of precedent-setting legal and advocacy campaigns. Working with these students, she filed briefs before the International Criminal Tribunals for Rwanda and the former Yugoslavia that contributed to recognition in international law that rape is a crime of genocide and torture. Copelon told The New York Times in 2002 that, until then, “rape was considered a kind of collateral damage” and “seen as part of the unpreventable, fundamental culture of war.”
IWHR’s work with the United Nation’s Committee against Torture and other international bodies contributed to worldwide recognition that gender crimes, including domestic and other forms of violence, can constitute torture under the United Nation’s Convention against Torture and Other Cruel, Inhuman, or Degrading Treatment or Punishment.
Copelon was born in New Haven, Connecticut in 1944. She graduated from Bryn Mawr with a degree in history and political science, and received her law degree from Yale.
For more information on Rhonda Copelon’s life and legacy, click here.
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FURTHER EVIDENCE OF LINK BETWEEN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE & REPRODUCTIVE COERCION/CONTROL
Reproductive control – when a partner imposes his reproductive intentions through intimidation, threats or actual violence – is a common problem for women who experience intimate partner violence, according to a new study released by the Guttmacher Institute on April 6.
Three in four respondents (74 percent) in the new study – of 71 domestic violence victims seeking services at a family planning clinic, an abortion clinic and a domestic violence shelter – reported that their partners had threatened to get them pregnant, forced them to have unprotected sex, sabotaged or interfered with their contraception, threatened them with sexual intercourse, tried to control the outcome of their pregnancies if they became pregnant, or in other ways tried to coerce their reproductive outcomes. These abusive behaviors can lead to unplanned pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections, and a host of other problems.
“This study adds to the growing body of evidence that partner violence often includes reproductive coercion and control, which can lead to unplanned pregnancy,” said Family Violence Prevention Fund President Esta Soler. “We make a mistake by putting these issues in silos and promoting solutions that ignore the connection. If we are serious about stopping unplanned pregnancy in this country, we simply must address the sexual violence and reproductive control that often cause it. If we are serious about stopping dating and domestic violence, we must recognize that many victims grapple daily with sexual violence and reproductive coercion. And if we are serious about improving women’s health, we must address the violence that too many young women experience.”
The authors of “Male Reproductive Control of Women Who Have Experienced Intimate Partner Violence in the United States,” conducted in-depth interviews with 71 women aged 18–49 who had a history of intimate partner violence; they were recruited in 2007 from a domestic violence shelter, a freestanding abortion clinic and a family planning clinic providing a full range of reproductive health services.
“We believe that reproductive control is, itself, a form of intimate partner violence, and one worthy of public health attention,” said Ann Moore, senior research associate at the Guttmacher Institute and one of the study’s authors. The study recommends that providers assess their patients in order to identify women who may need to hide their contraceptives from their partner, conduct prenatal care and abortion counseling in private, and ask questions designed to ascertain if anyone is pressuring the woman either to terminate or continue the pregnancy.
The FVPF’s ‘Know More, Say More’ initiative, which examines the consequences of reproductive coercion and violence, is online at www.KnowMoreSayMore.org. For tools on how to assess and respond to violence and coercion, click here.
“Male Reproductive Control of Women Who Have Experienced Intimate Partner Violence in the United States” is available online. It will be published in a forthcoming issue of Social Science & Medicine.
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ROUND-UP OF NEW STATE LAWS
State legislatures around the country are wrapping up legislative sessions and sending bills to governors to be signed. This year states have passed many bills address dating, domestic and sexual violence. The following are some of the new laws.
Colorado
Governor Bill Ritter signed Senate Bill 80 on April 12. The new law fills a gap between civil and criminal law to include family pets under Colorado’s protection orders. Representative Jerry Frangas, one of the new law’s chief sponsors, said “By legally protecting animals, we decrease the use of a common manipulative tactic used by domestic violence abusers in the coercion of his/her partner. For many of us, pets are part of our families, and clarifying the law to protect them makes sense and is the right thing to do.”

Indiana
On April 12, Governor Mitch Daniels hosted a ceremonial signing of “Heather’s Law,” which requires the Indiana Department of Education to develop teen dating violence educational materials and model dating violence response and reporting policies. “Heather’s Law” is named after Heather Norris, who was killed by her estranged high school boyfriend in 2007. After Heather’s death, her mother, Debbie Norris, created a website www.heathersvoice.net and began advocating for Indiana to adopt a dating violence law.
Iowa
Governor Chet Culver signed legislation on March 22 that will help protect Iowa families by taking guns out of the hands of abusers. Senate File 2357 prohibits a person who has been convicted of a domestic abuse crime, or is subject to a permanent civil protection order, from possessing firearms or other offensive weapons. “It is our duty to do whatever we can to keep Iowa families safe, and this common-sense legislation provides an important tool to do so,” Governor Culver said. “I am proud to sign this bill in the name of all who have suffered at the hands of domestic abusers, and in the memory of all who have sadly lost their lives.”
Kentucky
On April 14, the Kentucky General Assembly and Senate passed “Amanda’s Bill” a measure that would allow authorities to attach GPS monitors to suspected abusers who have violated domestic violence orders. The bill is named after Amanda Ross, who was murdered outside her home last year; former State Representative Steve Nunn has been arrested and charged in her killing. Governor Steve Beshear called for lawmakers to pass the measure in his State of the Commonwealth address in January and signed the legislation on April 28.
New Hampshire
Governor John Lynch signed legislation making attempted strangulation a felony on May 4. The bill (HB 1634) quickly moved through the state legislature after the story of Melissa Cantin Charbonneau made headlines last November. Cantin Charbonneau was shot to death by her husband two days after he was arrested for choking her and released on $30 bail, the Manchester Union Leader reports. The new law will make strangulation a second-degree assault, which is a felony that can carry prison time. It takes effect on January 1.
New York
In April, Governor David Paterson signed a law allowing victims of domestic violence to cast special ballots in an election if they leave their residence because of domestic violence. Earlier this month, Governor Paterson signed a law that authorizes courts to order that voter registration records of victims of domestic violence be kept confidential in certain cases.
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IN THE NEWS
NATIONAL – The United States will have its human rights record judged by the United Nations Human Rights Council this fall. “Human rights are universal, but their experience is local. That is why we are committed to holding everyone to the same standard, including ourselves,” Secretary of State Hillary Clinton told the Washington Post. Some argue that the commission has been overrun by human rights violators like China, Cuba and Egypt and the United States should not participate, but the Obama Administration counters that the U.S. will be in a stronger position to critique human rights violators if we complete the “universal periodic review” process. Each of the 192 United Nations member countries is supposed to go through the review process every four years.
AK – Governor Sean Parnell is heading up a new campaign that calls on Alaskans not to stand by when they see or suspect domestic violence, and to make it a social norm that it is everyone’s business to report and stop such acts. The new “Choose Respect” campaign is in response to Alaska’s high rates of domestic and sexual assault. “Our violence and assault stats will plunge when Alaska men in every corner and every culture in the state think about what it means to truly be a man,” the Anchorage Daily News editorialized.
DC – On Mother’s Day, mothers from across the United States and advocates for abused children gathered in front of the White House for a silent vigil to draw attention to the fact that family courts ordered them to give full custody or unsupervised visitation to their abusers. “We decided that Mother’s Day was the perfect time to stand vigil in front of the White House with mothers from all over America whose children are either dead or living in harm’s way because of the broken family court system,” said Connie Valentine, vigil organizer and co-founder of the California Protective Parent’s Association.

DC – American University’s student newspaper is apologizing for publishing a March 30 column that called date rape an “incoherent concept” and said that any woman who attends a fraternity party, has five drinks and goes back to a man’s room is “indicating she wants sex” and should not “cry ‘date rape.’” Students were outraged after sophomore Alex Knepper published the column. A day after it was published, Knepper told the Washington Post that he enjoyed “stirring the pot” and doesn’t “mind being hated for his views.” In response to students’ protests, The Eagle’s editors are organizing a forum on the issue. They also announced that Knepper will be required to follow a stricter set of guidelines to ensure that his arguments are coherent and reasonable.
FL – Two judges in Sarasota County have created a controversial new policy that requires domestic violence victims to contact police before they grant them a restraining order, reports the Sarasota Herald Tribune. The victims also would be ordered to pursue criminal prosecution as a part of the civil court process. Violence prevention advocates fear that this requirement could discourage victims from seeking protective orders. Circuit Judges Robert McDonald and Andrew Owens countered that they’ve ordered dozens of petitioners to report their allegations to law enforcement, but haven’t imposed any sanctions on victims unwilling to do so.
IL – The man charged with spying on ESPN reporter Erin Andrews was sentenced to two-and-a-half years in prison last month. At the sentencing Andrews said, “You violated me and you violated all women… you are a sexual predator, a sexual deviant and they should lock you up.” Michael David Barrett pled guilty last December to interstate stalking after prosecutors accused him of following Andrews to at least three cities and filming her through hotel peepholes. The footage is still posted on the Internet.
KY – As part of the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act, the Louisville Metro Criminal Justice Commission has been awarded $170,000 to develop a system to issue emergency protection orders electronically. In the current system, protection orders must be physically delivered to judges for approval, returned to the domestic-violence intake center, and then a sheriff’s deputy has to pick them up and serve them. The process can take a few days. The new system will allow the orders to be processed in a matter of hours and served the same day, the Courier-Journal reports. The program is expected to start in February 2011.
MD – A Baltimore County judge was suspended from hearing cases last month after he presided over the marriage of an alleged domestic assault victim and her accused attacker. Frederick Wood was charged with assaulting his fiancée in November. The assault case came to trial on March 10 and District Judge G. Darrell Russell Jr. allowed Wood a recess to obtain a marriage license. Another judge who had no knowledge of the charges against Wood waived the 48-hour waiting period for the marriage. When Wood returned to the courtroom, Judge Russell married him. Wood’s new wife invoked marital privilege so she would not be forced to testify against her new husband. Wood was then found not guilty. The House of Ruth Maryland and the Women’s Law Center of Maryland have filed a complaint with a state panel that disciplines judges, the Baltimore Sun reports.
MN – The St. Paul Pioneer Press reported earlier this month that the police department has launched the “St. Paul Blueprint for Safety” – a new approach so that all parts of the criminal justice system will work together on domestic violence crimes. The “Blueprint” calls for everyone involved, from the 911 operator to judges, to assess for signs of danger. Patrol officers are being trained to ask three key questions: Do you think he/she will seriously injure you or your children? When were you hurt or most afraid? And how frequent is the violence and is the frequency changing? The Minnesota legislature appropriated half a million dollars in 2007 to St. Paul to write a comprehensive plan and a more general guide that other cities could customize.
OH – Last month, Cuyahoga Juvenile Court Judge Alison Floyd ordered teenage rape victims to take polygraph tests even after finding their accusers delinquent, which is the juvenile court equivalent of guilty. Cleveland Plain Dealer columnist Regina Brett called the case “unbelievable,” and wrote “The federal Violence Against Women Act of 2005 prohibits forcing a rape victim to take a lie detector test.” Judge Floyd has not commented on the case or her motives for ordering the polygraph are unclear.
MALAYSIA – Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno was sentenced last July to caning after being caught drinking beer at a beach restaurant by the morality police. In April, the state’s sultan commuted her sentence to three weeks of community service, the Associated Press reports. Human rights activists had been protesting her punishment, and many in Malaysia say that Islamic laws should not intrude in personal matters in the country, which is known as a moderate and progressive Islamic society.
YEMEN – In late March, hundreds of women protested in support of a bill to ban the marriage of girls under age 17. Some of the country’s most influential Islamic leaders oppose the legislation and it is putting the government’s ruling party in a delicate position, the Christian Science Monitor reports. The government fears being branded “un-Islamic” or “full of infidels.” Child marriage is widespread in Yemen, especially in rural areas. A decision is expected this month.
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SAVE THE DATE
May 24-26, 2010, Richland, WA
Hand in Hand through a Lifetime
The Washington Coalition of Sexual Assault Programs annual conference will be held at the Red Lion Hotel Richland Hanford House. Olga Trujillo is the featured keynote speaker. A pre-conference institute (on May 24) addressing issues involving children with sexual behavior problems will be offered. For more information, contact Grant Stancliff at grant@wcsap.org or 360-754-7583 or visit the website.
July 21-23, 2010, Washington, DC
From Theory to Practice
Men Can Stop Rape’s most comprehensive Strength Training – From Theory to Practice – has provided more than 9,000 professionals with the skills to engage men in the prevention of dating violence and sexual assault. Learn how to build individual, organizational and community capacity for prevention of violence against women and how to approach primary violence prevention from a public health perspective at this event. Men Can Stop Rape’s approach is based on the social ecological model, advocated by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. For more information and to register, click here.
August 1-4, 2010, Anaheim, CA
Changing Faces of the Movement
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence is holding its 14th National Conference on Domestic Violence: Changing Faces of the Movement at the Hilton Anaheim. Advocates are encouraged to join hundreds of domestic violence survivors and other allies for critical discussions, networking and vital information aimed at providing services and support for victims of domestic violence. The discounted registration rate has been extended until May 25. For more information about attending the conference or presenting a workshop, click here.
September 1-3, 2010, Los Angeles, CA
2010 National Sexual Assault Conference
The California Coalition Against Sexual Assault (CALCASA) is hosting the 2010 National Sexual Assault Conference in Los Angeles. CALCASA is asking participants at this educational conference to imagine the world in which they want to live – a world free of sexual violence. CALCASA will create space for attendees to share public service announcements (PSAs), and will show PSAs developed by agencies and organizations across the country. For more information about submitting your organization’s PSA, click here. For more information about the conference, click here.
October 14-16, 2010, Tacoma, WA
Paving a Rocky Road: Removing Barriers to Men’s Engagement
Pacific Lutheran University Men Against Violence will host a national conference to engage professionals, religious communities and student activists in the process of identifying and strategizing how to remove the barriers that have traditionally kept large numbers of men from joining violence prevention efforts. Experts will discuss innovative approaches to anti-violence work and how to empower men to explore masculinities which support a just and equitable society. For more information or to submit a workshop proposal, contact Jonathan Grove at grovejk@plu.edu.
Does your organization sponsor a conference that you would like to highlight in Speaking Up?
If so, please let us know about it! Send conference information to Speaking Upeditor Luci Manning via email: speakingup@prsolutionsdc.com, or via fax: 202/371-9142. Be sure to include the registration deadline!
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Copyright © 2010 Family Violence Prevention Fund
endabuse.org


May 7th

The Tragic Loss of "Love"

By Ashlee
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As many of you have probably heard, this beautiful young woman named Yeardly Love  was found dead in her apartment Monday by a neighbor, lying face down in a pool of her own blood.  She was a "star" in her town for her excellent abilities as a Lacrosse player for her college. 

Her boyfriend was a hometown star too, he also played Lacrosse.  The public would see two good looking, talented young people and think they had the world at their fingertips.  But what they didn't know is he had a history of hitting her, and she had a history of staying. 

This time, something happened and the couple ended their relationship.  He angrily went to her apartment, (her front door was unlocked but she was in her bedroom with the door locked), tried to kick in her bedroom door.  At that point, she must have let him in.  A physical altercation occured and he reported to the police that he doesn't know what happened but he remembers shaking her and watching her head bounce off the wall as he shook her.  He killed her.  And he left her there, in a pool of her own blood.  He took her laptop and left the scene only later to turn himself in to the police.  (All this according to CBSNews and other news media)

Ladies, this is another example of why we're here, doing what we're doing.  Stop what you're doing and ask yourself "What can I do to help keep this from happening to others?".   Post your ideas, however far or near they may be from coming to fruition.  No better way to heal than to help others from going through what you've gone through. 
Apr 19th

This May Catch You Off Guard . . .What It Means to Work Together

By Courage Network
by Lyn Twyman

It was almost 20 years ago when I watched my mother sob in a court room over the battle to gain custody of me, a battle that she lost.  She was angry, upset, frightened and ill-equipped to fight the fight that had laid before her for many months.  I was confused, scared and only wanted the security and love of my parents.  It's images like this that move me to advocate for awareness and prevention of domestic violence and abuse, the abuse that had broken my family a part.  So I get it when someone pleads and cries for someone to listen to them because they have lost children to the system or through the manipulation of a spouse, ex-spouse, partner or family member who is abusive. 

A few months and years changes a lot of things for many people and that's why we have to take this issue seriously about educating our young people on domestic violence, what it means to have healthy relationships.  Youth is being wasted, time is being lost and so are lives.  It's not just a vain topic, it's a real issue.  I think we can all agree that we don't want our children to fall into similar traps that many of us have fallen into nor would we want future generations to be hurt and destroyed.

How can we help facilitate this kind of change for our young people's futures, in our judicial system and other areas?  One way is to come together to encourage and support the schools and places of worship to talk more about healthy relationships.  Another way is for the criminal and judicial systems to realize why it's important to have trained officers and judges that really understand the dynamics of abuse and create ways to support victims, families and rehabilitate the offenders,
implementing effective ways to take on this issue.

This may catch you off guard but we don't just need more tax exempt organizations with a name and a cause.  We need people that will really take action.  We also need people that will serve and support existing organizations and individuals that will collaborate to support local communities to improve methods of reaching young people, for example.  We need to take the resources that have been created by organizations across the U.S. and around our world that are currently working and gather together to help and support each other with the issue of domestic violence and issues stemming from it such as bullying, teen dating violence, child custody battles and criminal victimization.  We need to support the shelters that are housing victims and donate to them.  We need to contact local and national organizations for resources such as training materials that we can use in fostering educational programs in our own communities. 

All of the resources lie right under our noses but we have to seek and find them if we are going to be effective.  National organizations in turn need to continue to support us on the ground to help facilitate change by making sure we have enough resources to continue our work and to stay on top of the issues, informing us so we can take action, making sure that services continue to operate to help victims and increase prevention.  For local, national and international organizations that are working on legislation and public policy, we need to lend our voice and write, gather and demonstrate. 

If an organization can only talk about making a difference and isn't doing it NOW by helping victims and survivors, don't support them because they're wasting your money and trying to pull resources and funding from other organizations that truly need it.  Too many good organizations are struggling as 5 men and some 1 man operations to try to keep things going.  Real servants and social changers actively serve others and don't just talk about it while spending your hard earned money on things that are not helping victims nor reaching the community tangibly.

If you are giving to any organization, make sure they are ACTIVELY working in one of these four areas, and again, not just talking about it:  direct services, legislation, research or creating educational and training opportunities and materials for advocates and the community.  If you don't see the organization you are giving your hard earned money to doing any of these things now, you may want to give somewhere else. 

We can't get stuck on "big" appearances when everything takes place right in our own back yards, so let's bring this back home.  Remember, the people that may be doing the most for your local community may not appear like "much" because they are busy spending the money that you donate to them to really help victims.  So offer to be their media campaign for them and support them.  Word of mouth is inexpensive and the most effective.

As an organization, remember your duty is to be ethically accountable, seeing where you can improve and make changes for the better, not spending frivolously.  People are counting on you to make the right decisions  with the money and resources you have to help save those in our communities that we may never meet but ultimately affect us all.  On any day "those people" could become anyone of us. 

Lastly, encourage your place of worship, if you believe in a higher Power, to support these shelters and programs that are doing the hard work day in and day out to help victims.  Your place of worship has so much potential to impact the community because of their existing bond and support structure already in place.

Real prevention is the key and it's not just talk, it's action.  Prevention goes a step further past signing petitions too.  Petitions are just the first step but not the completed process.  As the saying goes, don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today.  As an organization or individual, you may not have a huge budget but together we can make a difference with this issue of domestic violence by working together and not by reinventing the wheel.
Apr 17th

There's Always More That We Can Do

By Courage Network
by Lyn Twyman

One of the most frustrating things for a victim of crime and particularly domestic violence is to find  the right help along your journey of survival, only to be turned away  in a seemingly  endless sea of organizations and resources .  I want to make it clear, there is help for victims, plenty of it in general, but depending on your location, depending on your situation, finding help can prove to be difficult and the help you receive may rest on the willingness of others.  We have great resources all around us, organizations, shelters and programs that are designed to help victims but let me give you more insight into what I am talking about.

Recently, a friend of mine called because one her friend's life and the life of her children were in danger.  The friend's husband was violent and tried to kill her in their home.  She was able to get away and report the incident to the police but meanwhile had to remove herself and children, while school was in session, to go live in a hotel.  Her husband remained on the run from the police.  Hotel stays are not cheap, especially with children, and so I was contacted to see if there was a shelter she could go to for help.  The only thing about her situation that made it difficult for placement was she had 5 children. 

The first local shelter I called did not have enough beds for her and the 5 kids so I called another one who also had the same problem but they offered to use the office sleeper sofa as a last resort.  Finally I was connected with a shelter that could accommodate her and the 5 children, but it was 3 hours away.  I knew the seriousness  of the issue and was feeling a bit discouraged that  it took several calls before I could find a place that would take the family in, and I was the advocate.  Now imagine being the victim and you see my point.  It's not that the shelters didn't want to help in this case, it's that they couldn't.  Not having adequate sleeping room for victims who have no where to go and no where to turn to is a HUGE problem.  This victim's case was especially unique because her 5 children still needed to be in school, and so a shelter 3 hours away was not an ideal place for them to be in.  Folks that I spoke with on the phone did try and that was encouraging.

So as a community, as a society, advocates, government agencies and judicial systems  working together, we need to REMEMBER that when it comes to programs and services being administered to serve victims, it's not as clear cut as we would like it to be.  In this case, the shelters were dealing with a shortage of beds.  Could this have been fixed?  Could this have been remedied so the victim and her children could have stayed in the shelter?  It all depends on the kind of flexibility those shelters are given to house people and what their governing laws dictate.  It sounds a bit cold and even though I wasn't the victim,  I could feel the sting of having to call several places and give them the same story before I could find a place that would help the woman.  For just last year, one Philadelphia shelter reported having to turn away 4,671 victims and budget cuts have not helped the landscape to assist victims in the least bit.  To read more about this shelter click here.

If you are a service provider to victims, victims come to you tired, hurt, scared, financially in trouble and you may not have been the first they called.  You may be the second, the third or even the fourth.  Will a victim tell you that?  Maybe they will and maybe they won't.  So if a victim comes to you and says "There is no help.  I can't find it,"  take a moment to try to understand what they are saying and look at ways your organization can work to better serve them or others like them.  As advocates, we have to be mindful of this.  With budget cuts being another factor this adds complexity to victim services but see if there are ways you can cut corners to make sure victims are getting the help they need.  If you have extra money to spare, see if you can help the shelter down the street by looking into how you can appropriate some funds to ensure they have enough beds.  There is always need for improvement and more that we can do.
Apr 6th

Domestic Violence and Immigration

By Courage Network
Originally published by the National Domestic Violence Hotline Share Your Voice blog

By Lyn Twyman

Domestic Violence and Immigration
 
I was 5 years old when I heard one of my parents frequent arguments end with a loud smacking sound.  I had just walked in the front door after the school bus had dropped me off in front of my house from a day at kindergarten to the loud yelling and arguing of my parents, unfortunately something I had grown accustomed to.  If you can imagine my father was well over 6 feet with a loud bellowing voice, my mother just under 5 feet.  With frustration and anger my father struck my mother, leaving a bright red hand mark on the left side of her fair, Asian face.  This was the first time I saw the expression of resentment and hate in my mother’s face for everything that led to that point.  That act of violence shattered the facade that my parents had built up to try to hide the truth from me, that their marriage was a sham and in no way functional.  There were deeply rooted problems within their relationship and after that moment my eyes were wide open to them.  Later I would realize there were great amounts of psychological and emotional abuse in my parent’s relationship that would be directed solely towards me.
 
My father was an American born in the south, a victim of abuse and neglect by an alcoholic father who was void of most emotion, except anger and depression spurred by the bottle.  My mother, the eldest of her siblings, grew up in third-world poverty with an extremely controlling mother.  In 1977, my mother started receiving pen pal letters from my father.  She became enamored with the idea of a man she had never met before, a man who promised to take care of her and give her a better life, more than what she could have ever imagined.  About a year later when my mother was 23, she immigrated to the United States.
 
The man who wrote such beautiful words on paper was not reflective of the man my mother met when she came to the U.S. and in less than a month, the fairy tale was over. The stark realities of the deception, lack of respect and obsession over my mother’s every movement was too much to endure. My mother however, was fearful to leave my father with the domestic violence taking place.  My father, a man ridden with personality disorders, would admit years later that his choice to marry my mother was due to the amount of “submissiveness” women like her had for their husbands and the ability to “teach” them and make them become what he wanted.
 
Unfortunately the story of my parents is not unique. It bares many similarities to the stories of many immigrants who find themselves in relationships where domestic violence is present.  One thing that remains consistent however, as with many instances of domestic violence,  is there is one person that seeks to have control over the other who is thought to be weaker.
 
Women and men have shared with me their personal experiences, and those of other immigrants who were involved in domestic violence relationships that they knew.  I began hearing similarities in the stories:
 
• Victims had little interaction with people other than their partner or lived in complete isolation.
• Victims were eventually embarrassed by their partner regarding their own language and culture.
• Communication decreased over time with their families in their homeland.
• Finances were controlled by the abusive partner.
• The partner threatened to have them deported or have their children taken away from them if they showed signs of fighting back or escaping.
 
So many of these stories also began sounding familiar as I realized my mother had faced the same problems with my own father.
 
Help for Immigrants
 
Immigrants who are dealing with domestic violence face many challenges unlike those around them because of language and culture barriers.  Whether waiting for citizenship or seeking refugee status, immigrant victims of domestic violence do have rights and can get help to protect themselves from abuse.  There are organizations like American Immigration Lawyers Association, The National Immigration ProjectThe Tahirih Justice CenterWomensLaw.org and specialty organizations like The Asian Pacific American Legal Resource Center,  that help with direct services or referrals at little or no cost.   It is important that immigrant victims get trained advocates to support and assist them in the proper steps to make themselves and their children safer, whether the abuse is physical or not.  Another good online resource is the following link:  http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/immigration.shtml that talks more in depth about the issue and addresses aspects of the immigration process.  Also the spouses and children of U.S. citizens can self-petition to obtain lawful permanent residency under the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA).  VAWA also allows certain battered immigrants  to seek safety and independence from the abuser by filing for immigration relief without the abuser’s assistance or knowledge .  
 
Domestic violence is wrong, period.  A person’s nationality does not exclude them from the physical and emotional pain that is inflicted from domestic violence.  The best thing we can do as advocates is to remember the warning signs of abuse, stay informed about the issue,  spread awareness and encourage our Federal immigration system to strengthen laws and distribute violence and abuse awareness materials, making them available in multiple languages to each person that comes to their offices and websites. 
 
I am encouraged about the amount of work that has been done with this issue compared to my mother’s time as an immigrant but there is still much work to be done in raising awareness about the problem.  If you see someone who displays signs of being a victim, offer them in confidence the resources they can go to for help.  You will be surprised how far a bit of information and slice of humanity can go to help save a life and lead someone to new found freedom, hope and truly a much better life.
Apr 6th

Why Advocacy is So Important - Why You Don't Have to Be A Victim to Help

By Courage Network
By Lyn Twyman

Out of the many emails I receive, there are some that really stick out in my mind.  One in particular came from a lady I'll call Briana who wasn't a victim of domestic violence, but she had been affected by it.   Briana wrote that she had sat on a jury for about 6 weeks for a case where a young woman, aged 29, was brutally beaten to death, hog tied and tortured by her so called soul mate. "I looked into the eyes of her killer," wrote Briana, " The trial has been over for one week and one day.  I too am a young woman, and that statistics regarding domestic violence are alarming to me.  As I watched this trial unfold, I couldn't help but think about all the young women out there, young girls who will be abused.  Now, I pass women/girls even while grocery shopping and I count them in my mind (I'm number 1.....then 2...then 3....then 4) and I know statistically, one of us will be a victim of domestic violence at some point in our lives.  While all these victims may not die as Jane did.....they all will suffer.  Jane was not new to abuse....she had experienced it in other relationships.  For some reason she believed she was not worth more.  For some reason, she thought abuse meant love." 
 
Briana goes on to write, "I want to do something.  I donated my jury pay to our local non profit organization for sexual/domestic violence.  I'm attending our local "Take Back the Night" march and marching in memory of Jane.  But it's not enough.  I need to reach people....and it seems like all the organizations I have found are predominantly for survivors or current victims and none really focus on reaching out to young women to help PREVENT it.  And that's where I found your website......and thought that perhaps you could offer me some suggestions......some encouragement.....something I can do to help."

Can you imagine, after reading an email like this, it not only touches you, not only inspires you, it IGNITES you  about the work you are doing, about the cause you are fighting.  It makes you realize that people other than victims and survivors really do care about this issue of domestic violence.  People really do want to see change.  The other part of this email that grabbed me was when Briana wrote, "...something I can do to help."

If we are to prevent domestic violence, we have to do something.  It's no good to just talk about; it's no good to just write about it.   You have to really be making efforts to raise awareness to protect those who could be affected or working  to change existing laws and programs in order to better serve victims. 

I am pleased to say that since this initial email, Briana is actively working in her community with others in a domestic violence prevention program.  Within about a week's time of writing this email, she had gotten involved.  Briana not only talked about doing something, she found something she could to do help prevent domestic violence in her local community.

So Briana, Thank You! And thank you to those who have chosen to share the burden  in the good fight even if you are not survivors.  We need you! Because to be an advocate doesn't mean you have to be a survivor, just someone with a heart to help, change lives and make a true difference.