FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

 

Domestic violence online community launches webinar series

CourageNetwork.com, an online community for domestic violence survivors, launches webinar series open to public

National/International – March 4, 2011 – CourageNetwork.com will host monthly webinars about the topic of domestic violence and safety of survivors.  Advocates working with family violence will be featured presenters in the webinar series that is available free of charge to the public.  “This webinar series is a way to get critical information out to the general public.  We’re continuing our efforts to reach a larger audience with similar valuable information that is being offered from other organizations' seminars that may not be readily accessible to the public ” says Lyn Twyman, creator of CourageNetwork.com and family violence survivor, "The goal is to equip people with information about this issue that is claiming the lives of countless throughout the world."

 

The webinar series will launch on March 17 at 7pm ET, 4pm PT with the topic of “Building Community Collaborations”.  This webinar which will be hosted by Lyn Twyman, who is also a non-profit consultant, will be designed for organizations and activists who want to have successful domestic violence non-profits.   Other webinar subjects that will be covered are sexual assault, teen dating violence and the family courts. 

 

Anyone interested in registering for the first CourageNetwork.com webinar on March 17th may register at the following link:  http://www.freebinar.com/PIID=EE53D88985.  If you are interested in being a presenter in future webinars, you may email courage (AT) couragenetwork (DOT) com with your topic and credentials.

 

About Courage Network

 

Created in early 2010, CourageNetwork.com is an international online community for domestic violence survivors, advocates and organizations.  Courage Network provides survivors with resources and a sense of community, coming together, united and open to all people affected by family violence by tackling the various facets of the issue. Courage Network features interviews with survivors, authors, advocates and leaders in the movement to assist victims of domestic violence. Past featured guests have included Tony Porter, Victor Rivers, Judge Lynn Toler and Love Is Respect.

 

Contact Info:

Courage Network

www.couragenetwork.com

info (AT) couragenetwork (DOT) com

  

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Originally published at

"Time's Up!"

A quote from John F. Kennedy goes "We have the power to make this the best generation of mankind in the history of the world or to make it the last ". The future of our families and our country lies in our young people. We want our children to succeed. We want our young people to outlive us and become successful in every aspect of their lives. When it comes to protecting our young people and their hearts, not just in regard to love but their entire being, they are truly fragile. Remember when you were little how you looked for approval from your mom or dad, maybe an older brother or sister, or someone that you looked up to for things like a stick figure drawing you created, a mud pie or even the first level you beat in a Nintendo game? Our young people seek our approval which makes them budding sources of energy and change but also very vulnerable to bad influences.

If we want our young people to succeed we have to plot out a path that demonstrates success. Plotting that path does not mean that we are loaded with tons of money, the first and best of electronics nor does it mean that we force them into a career just to satisfy our own desires. It simply means that we lead by example, good examples that we live by that they can follow. No matter what, we are all creatures of repetition.

Psychologists call the first 10 years of a child's life The Magic Years. That is when a child will learn and develop who he/she is and his character. Often the essence of an individual, their temperament, their drive, their motivation becomes set for the remainder of their life during The Magic Years, that crucial window of opportunity for learning, growth and development. The Magic Years for a child largely formulates from their environment. As people, we will emulate follow what we see and hear that goes on around us good or bad.

How do we help this next generation not fall prey to violence, victimization and unhealthy relationships or become abusive? What do we want to tell the next generation about empowerment? What does empowerment consist of? Empowerment consists of the same areas we talk with victims of domestic violence about when we are trying to help them rebuild their lives. These areas are self esteem, healthy relationships, mental health, physical health, finances, education, self defense and spiritual well being. These should also be the same areas we work with our young people on as well to not only keep them from becoming victims but to live well rounded lives, healthy lives. These areas are often missing by many parents, just brushed over or completely skipped to let the young person play their favorite Xbox game, spend the day at the mall with the kid from school they barely know or maybe to avoid some personal guilt. As parents and caregivers of young people, we must live and operate proactively, not reactively, and by example.

Helping to empower this next generation also means that we should educate ourselves and show our young people that we are not afraid to learn, not that we know everything. So if you lack skills in the financial area schedule sometime with your local bank representative to learn how to save an invest better. If you do not know self defense, sign up for a class that you and your young person can take together. If you come from a background where your family life was abusive, go to a family counselor or holistic therapist for a few sessions to get a better understanding of how your past affects you.

Helping to empower our young people means coming out of our shells and stepping out on a much greater plain, challenging our own selves and perhaps some of our own demons. It is not an easy path but a path worth taking if we are truly concerned about giving our young people the tools to succeed in the immediate and throughout the rest of their life. For many children, younger and older, the knowledge and wisdom you have to share in the 8 areas I previously mentioned could be life or death. There will always be children that fail but at the end of each day ask yourself these questions, "Did I lead by example? Did I do everything I could do?" Let that be your guide to see how well you are working to empower this next generation.

Originally published at

"Time's Up!"

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

The Band Aid Remedy Isn't Good Enough

We can only do that if we work together.

by Lyn Twyman Lisa met John about 15 years ago.  He was charming, loving and even after over a year of dating they still lived a part.  John respected her in every way. "I thought he was 'It' for me…you're so in love and you ignore the tell tale signs," explains Lisa, "I also grew up in a home where domestic violence was present.  John had proposed to me a few times but would never mean it, like it was a joke or a game."  The signs later  became noticeable, "It started with verbal abuse.  He would say 'You're not good enough.  You should change jobs.  Work somewhere else.  Make more money'.  There was no pleasing him." John grew abusive.   Lisa and John would occasionally go out with his friends.  John would drink and become loud, obnoxious and increasingly abusive toward Lisa in public.   Friends would ask him to leave her alone but that was not enough to convince him stop.  During one of these outings, John began degrading Lisa again in front of his friends.  Lisa had decided enough was enough and defended herself by speaking up.  John became so enraged at Lisa that he took her by the chin, picking her up off the floor, digging his fingernails into her cheeks until she began to bleed.   John's friends tried to stop him and pleaded with Lisa to leave but she did not.  John later told family and friends that Lisa's injuries came from boxes and a filing cabinet that fell on her.  Yet another violent episode with John left Lisa with a displaced jaw and missing teeth.  John again would tell family and friends that this too resulted from another accident.   Lisa visited John's father after this last episode of violence to get his help with money that belonged to her that John had been controlling.  He looked at Lisa and saw the lingering deformities from her injuries on her face.  His conscious ate at him.  "He looks into my eyes and tells me 'I thought things would be different.' " Different what do you mean?" Lisa recalls her asking him.  There Lisa learned from John's father that John had abused his last girlfriend for 13 years.  That is when Lisa's tears began to fall and they both cried together.    By that time, Lisa and John had been together for 7 years.  She knew without any doubt that her relationship was more than unhealthy, it would get her killed and she needed to get out.  One day while John was at work she rented a moving truck and began packing.   "John's best friend walked in and saw I was in the process of trying to get everything out of our home and says 'What took you so long?' and he helped me packed."  Lisa left that night with the moving truck and all her possessions, but not before John got back home from work to witness her leaving.    It was not until several weeks later, Lisa found out she was pregnant with their baby.  Uncertain and scared, she went back to John but the growing baby inside her did not stop John and the violence continued, "He threw me across the room and even put me out in the hall naked," Lisa recounts.  Like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, John's moods would change even regarding the unborn child they were having. One minute he was excited and expressed joy then within seconds, he would pick up the phone and threaten Lisa to abort the baby, that having the baby would mess up her life even giving ultimatums to get rid of it or else... Five months later Lisa packed her bags and left again, this time not only for her safety but for that of her unborn child. Lisa gave birth to a beautiful girl after she finally left John.  "I went to stay at a friend's house I thought he didn't know about and he found us so that's when I went to live in  a shelter."  But even the shelter posed another dilemma, "They would not allow us (the residence) to work  yet gave us 3 months to get ourselves together to find work and housing. It's a catch 22, you can't get huone without the other.  I saw a few other residents fail to do so and they were sent to emergency homeless shelter.  Emergency shelter also was not an option because they make you leave during the day and you can only sleep there at night in an open room with cots."   Lisa and her daughter has also moved 16 times in 10 years because of  stalking, harassments and threats from her ex.  Despite the struggles that Lisa and her daughter have faced to just have their basic needs met like housing, transportation, stability and safety, they continue to rebuild their lives.   Furthermore, Lisa  has realized a dream.  Lisa, a former model, loved being in front of  the camera but also loves being behind it.  She has been accepted into one of the most prestigious colleges for photography, the Hallmark Institute.  GreenNote.com is a fiscal sponsor who is collecting donations on her behalf to raise tuition so she can attend Hallmark this fall of September 2010.  To view Lisa's profile on GreenNote.com and donate toward her tuition, click here.  One of Lisa's goals by going to photography school is to graduate with the tools and methods she needs so she can work in places like law enforcement and putting faces to the victims of domestic violence to help them understand just how beautiful they are.   Additionally, Lisa has launched  a website called LAS Photography to showcase her stunning porfolio that includes people, nature, artifacts, collectibles and other objects.  Lisa understands that her gift to capture the essence of life with the lens is a gift that she wants to use to help others.  "Domestic violence is a story that others need to know about.  Often people do not believe it is happening until they actually see it.  A photo tells a story and this story and those of other victims and survivors needs to be told." Lisa is a photographer, survivor and major contributor to the Courage Network blog titled Courage Magazine. All photography in this blog post is owned by Lisa Sammons.  Do not duplicate.  All rights reserved.

by Lyn Twyman

"The Encyclopedia of Domestic Violence is a modern reference from the leading international scholars in domestic violence research. This ground-breaking project has created the first ever publication of an encyclopedia of domestic violence. The primary goal of the Encyclopedia is to provide information on a variety of traditional, as well as breakthrough, issues in this complex phenomenon.

The coverage of the Encyclopedia is broad and diverse, encompassing the entire life span from infancy to old age. The entries include the traditional research areas, such as battered women, child abuse and dating violence. However, this Encyclopedia is unique in that it includes many under-studied areas of domestic violence, such as ritual abuse-torture within families, domestic violence against women with disabilities, pseudo-family violence and domestic violence within military families. It is also unique in that it examines cross-cultural perspectives of domestic violence.

One of the key special features in this Encyclopedia is the cross-reference section at the end of each entry. This allows the reader the ability to continue their research of a particular topic.

This book will be an easy-to-read reference guide on a host of topics, which are alphabetically arranged. Precautions have been taken to ensure that the Encyclopedia is not politically slanted; rather, it is hoped that it will serve as a basic guide to better understanding the myriad issues surrounding this labyrinthine topic.

Topics covered include: Victims of Domestic Violence; Theoretical Perspectives and Correlates to Domestic Violence; Cross-Cultural Perspectives and Religious Perspectives; Understudied Areas within Domestic Violence Research; Domestic Violence and the Law; and Child Abuse and Elder Abuse."

Click here to view the full table of contents.

Has your organization heard about this book? This book is a must have for those involved in domestic violence advocacy and EVERY organization needs to have this work.  Thank you Dr. Jackson for putting in the time and effort to creating this great publication, one that is very needed in the field of domestic violence.  We have to create and place more comprehensive resources in the hands of every person involved with this issue.

by Lyn Twyman

It was almost 20 years ago when I watched my mother sob in a court room over the battle to gain custody of me, a battle that she lost.  She was angry, upset, frightened and ill-equipped to fight the fight that had laid before her for many months.  I was confused, scared and only wanted the security and love of my parents.  It's images like this that move me to advocate for awareness and prevention of domestic violence and abuse, the abuse that had broken my family a part.  So I get it when someone pleads and cries for someone to listen to them because they have lost children to the system or through the manipulation of a spouse, ex-spouse, partner or family member who is abusive. 

A few months and years changes a lot of things for many people and that's why we have to take this issue seriously about educating our young people on domestic violence, what it means to have healthy relationships.  Youth is being wasted, time is being lost and so are lives.  It's not just a vain topic, it's a real issue.  I think we can all agree that we don't want our children to fall into similar traps that many of us have fallen into nor would we want future generations to be hurt and destroyed.

How can we help facilitate this kind of change for our young people's futures, in our judicial system and other areas?  One way is to come together to encourage and support the schools and places of worship to talk more about healthy relationships.  Another way is for the criminal and judicial systems to realize why it's important to have trained officers and judges that really understand the dynamics of abuse and create ways to support victims, families and rehabilitate the offenders, implementing effective ways to take on this issue.

This may catch you off guard but we don't just need more tax exempt organizations with a name and a cause.  We need people that will really take action.  We also need people that will serve and support existing organizations and individuals that will collaborate to support local communities to improve methods of reaching young people, for example.  We need to take the resources that have been created by organizations across the U.S. and around our world that are currently working and gather together to help and support each other with the issue of domestic violence and issues stemming from it such as bullying, teen dating violence, child custody battles and criminal victimization.  We need to support the shelters that are housing victims and donate to them.  We need to contact local and national organizations for resources such as training materials that we can use in fostering educational programs in our own communities. 

All of the resources lie right under our noses but we have to seek and find them if we are going to be effective.  National organizations in turn need to continue to support us on the ground to help facilitate change by making sure we have enough resources to continue our work and to stay on top of the issues, informing us so we can take action, making sure that services continue to operate to help victims and increase prevention.  For local, national and international organizations that are working on legislation and public policy, we need to lend our voice and write, gather and demonstrate. 

If an organization can only talk about making a difference and isn't doing it NOW by helping victims and survivors, don't support them because they're wasting your money and trying to pull resources and funding from other organizations that truly need it.  Too many good organizations are struggling as 5 men and some 1 man operations to try to keep things going.  Real servants and social changers actively serve others and don't just talk about it while spending your hard earned money on things that are not helping victims nor reaching the community tangibly.

If you are giving to any organization, make sure they are ACTIVELY working in one of these four areas, and again, not just talking about it:  direct services, legislation, research or creating educational and training opportunities and materials for advocates and the community.  If you don't see the organization you are giving your hard earned money to doing any of these things now, you may want to give somewhere else. 

We can't get stuck on "big" appearances when everything takes place right in our own back yards, so let's bring this back home.  Remember, the people that may be doing the most for your local community may not appear like "much" because they are busy spending the money that you donate to them to really help victims.  So offer to be their media campaign for them and support them.  Word of mouth is inexpensive and the most effective.

As an organization, remember your duty is to be ethically accountable, seeing where you can improve and make changes for the better, not spending frivolously.  People are counting on you to make the right decisions  with the money and resources you have to help save those in our communities that we may never meet but ultimately affect us all.  On any day "those people" could become anyone of us. 

Lastly, encourage your place of worship, if you believe in a higher Power, to support these shelters and programs that are doing the hard work day in and day out to help victims.  Your place of worship has so much potential to impact the community because of their existing bond and support structure already in place.

Real prevention is the key and it's not just talk, it's action.  Prevention goes a step further past signing petitions too.  Petitions are just the first step but not the completed process.  As the saying goes, don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today.  As an organization or individual, you may not have a huge budget but together we can make a difference with this issue of domestic violence by working together and not by reinventing the wheel.

by Lyn Twyman

Tamara Ramos is a creative who is using her talent to raise awareness.  She is a professional photographic artist  who uses her gift to talk about and inspire others on a wide range of social issues and topics.  She will be hosting a fund raiser for Woman  Space, a non-profit in Trenton, NJ serving  the women and families impacted by domestic violence and sexual assault.  This fund raiser also marks the launch of her photography service that she has chosen to name Euphemia Photography.

What drives Tamara to support this cause is not just a love for photography and artistic creativity, but a chance to help other women and victims of domestic violence.  What also drives her is the memory of a strong and courageous woman who was tragically killed as a result of domestic violence, her own grandmother who was also named Euphemia.  Tamara never met her grandmother but was always told by family members that she looks just like her, causing some to weep when they see her because of the striking similarity.  Tamara never understood the reason for this deep display of sadness until one day, one of Tamara's aunts finally sat her down and told her about what caused her grandmother to die at such an early age.

Tamara's father grew up in Puerto Rico, one of 13 siblings born to Euphemia and her husband.  Tamara's father had a natural gift for painting; he was an artist.  He painted whatever he could but not without fear from his physically and sexually abusive, alcoholic father, a man who was of the cultural belief that men who painted or did any kind of work attributed to women must be gay and needed to do more manly things like labor  jobs.  So Tamara's grandfather would beat her dad and throw hot grease on him,  and he would also beat Euphemia  until she decided to hide the works of art so they wouldn't be discovered by her husband. 

Tamara's father continued painting in secret and whenever he was in school he let his creativity unleash.

One day one of his teachers was so impressed by his work that she sent a letter home to his family to commend the 14 year old's talent.  His father however, received the letter in the mail and in a drunken rage walked to his son's school, dragged the young man out of his classroom by the hair and arms, letting his shoeless feet  scrape and become bloodied by the dirt and gravel, until they reached home.  He was then severely beaten and then the rage shifted to Euphemia.  Her own husband violently beat her to death.

The police did nothing to the man whose hands had snuffed out the life of his precious wife.  They were unable to determine that he had actually killed her but more than likely  they simply  chose to ignore what at the time was considered a private family matter.  The children lived in silence and fear with the knowledge of the atrocious, abhorrent act their  father had committed.  Tamara's father gave up painting and one by one they left home as the years passed by, all bearing the nightmare of how their mother, Euphemia, had spent her last breath.

After Tamara heard this tragic recollection from her aunt she was terribly saddened but also became more aware of things that had happened in past years.  One of those was finally realizing where her artistic talent came from and another was why she was naturally passionate about those who suffered abuse and other social issues.  She immediately could feel her grandmother's presence surrounding her.

Tamara was later encouraged by her husband who had been around her photographic atristry for years to consider starting her own business.  Tamara had thought about it but had focused mostly on the shear love she had for photographic art.  He said she should name her business Euphemia Photography, after her grandmother.  Then, with a recommendation from another person she was told to hold a fundraiser for Woman Space as a launch event.  Once Tamara learned more about Woman Space, it all began to make perfect sense.

So Tamara will be joined by local fellow artists at this spectacular occasion to support a cause that serves abused women and also to realize several dreams, a dream to share her creative vision with the world, a dream to have her own business and a dream of a grandmother who gave her very life because she believed in the natural gift that was bestowed on a 14 year old young man, that would transcend to a beautiful young woman who would bear her image years later.

Special Guest artists

Kasso

Art has always been a huge part of my life. Growing up in inner city Trenton, art was an escape from many of the negative images that plagued my community. Seeing many of my friends fall victim to the streets, art become my peer and best friend. It was my way of expressing myself without being involved in the drama of the streets. As I matured, my work began to be more introspective. I lean more toward subject matter that involves my family and the way I grew up. Since the birth of my daughter, many of my pieces center on women and children. My current body of work is basically a visually diary from childhood to adulthood and everything in-between. I use my past to create pieces that focus on my present. In doing so, hopefully I will discover my future. Peace.

Han Koon Ooi

Han Koon Ooi, an artist that cultivates motivation and encouragement from his creativity, especially through his photography. His various cultural backgrounds have brought him to experience the richness of the art arena. Born and raised in Malaysia of Chinese heritage, he holds two bachelor degrees in architecture, an associate degree in radiography, and speaks 4 major languages. He also choreographs and performs Malaysian cultural dances and is a professional flower designer. He became interested in photography a little over a decade ago when taking photographs related to architecture, hard landscapes and soft landscapes. His photography has evolved into floral themes due to his passion of Mother Nature’s beauty; the vibrant color of flowers, the greenish of forest, and the crystal clean blue water. He has said that a flower is like a woman; beautiful, sexy, nurturing, sensitive, patient and full of life. To capture a beautiful flower in a photo is like celebrating a woman’s life. He always said, “Nothing is impossible, unless once make it impossible.”

Hilbert Espina
	The biggest influence in my life, my beloved grandmother. Raised under her loving care I became who I am today. Now that she is gone, in beautiful sunsents, beautiful skies, in every stroke nature paints that I see I share it with her. My style of photography is not dedicated to a certain matter, like a kid in a candy store, I bounce from here to there, freelancing as my world arrives.

	For more information about this event, click here. All photography is owned by their perspective artists.  All rights reserved.

Originally published by the National Domestic Violence Hotline Share Your Voice blog

By Lyn Twyman

Domestic Violence and Immigration
 
I was 5 years old when I heard one of my parents frequent arguments end with a loud smacking sound.  I had just walked in the front door after the school bus had dropped me off in front of my house from a day at kindergarten to the loud yelling and arguing of my parents, unfortunately something I had grown accustomed to.  If you can imagine my father was well over 6 feet with a loud bellowing voice, my mother just under 5 feet.  With frustration and anger my father struck my mother, leaving a bright red hand mark on the left side of her fair, Asian face.  This was the first time I saw the expression of resentment and hate in my mother’s face for everything that led to that point.  That act of violence shattered the facade that my parents had built up to try to hide the truth from me, that their marriage was a sham and in no way functional.  There were deeply rooted problems within their relationship and after that moment my eyes were wide open to them.  Later I would realize there were great amounts of psychological and emotional abuse in my parent’s relationship that would be directed solely towards me.
 
My father was an American born in the south, a victim of abuse and neglect by an alcoholic father who was void of most emotion, except anger and depression spurred by the bottle.  My mother, the eldest of her siblings, grew up in third-world poverty with an extremely controlling mother.  In 1977, my mother started receiving pen pal letters from my father.  She became enamored with the idea of a man she had never met before, a man who promised to take care of her and give her a better life, more than what she could have ever imagined.  About a year later when my mother was 23, she immigrated to the United States.
 
The man who wrote such beautiful words on paper was not reflective of the man my mother met when she came to the U.S. and in less than a month, the fairy tale was over. The stark realities of the deception, lack of respect and obsession over my mother’s every movement was too much to endure. My mother however, was fearful to leave my father with the domestic violence taking place.  My father, a man ridden with personality disorders, would admit years later that his choice to marry my mother was due to the amount of “submissiveness” women like her had for their husbands and the ability to “teach” them and make them become what he wanted.
 
Unfortunately the story of my parents is not unique. It bares many similarities to the stories of many immigrants who find themselves in relationships where domestic violence is present.  One thing that remains consistent however, as with many instances of domestic violence,  is there is one person that seeks to have control over the other who is thought to be weaker.
 
Women and men have shared with me their personal experiences, and those of other immigrants who were involved in domestic violence relationships that they knew.  I began hearing similarities in the stories:
 
• Victims had little interaction with people other than their partner or lived in complete isolation.
• Victims were eventually embarrassed by their partner regarding their own language and culture.
• Communication decreased over time with their families in their homeland.
• Finances were controlled by the abusive partner.
• The partner threatened to have them deported or have their children taken away from them if they showed signs of fighting back or escaping.
 
So many of these stories also began sounding familiar as I realized my mother had faced the same problems with my own father.
 
Help for Immigrants
 
Immigrants who are dealing with domestic violence face many challenges unlike those around them because of language and culture barriers.  Whether waiting for citizenship or seeking refugee status, immigrant victims of domestic violence do have rights and can get help to protect themselves from abuse.  There are organizations like American Immigration Lawyers Association, The National Immigration Project, The Tahirih Justice Center,  WomensLaw.org and specialty organizations like The Asian Pacific American Legal Resource Center,  that help with direct services or referrals at little or no cost.   It is important that immigrant victims get trained advocates to support and assist them in the proper steps to make themselves and their children safer, whether the abuse is physical or not.  Another good online resource is the following link:  http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/immigration.shtml that talks more in depth about the issue and addresses aspects of the immigration process.  Also the spouses and children of U.S. citizens can self-petition to obtain lawful permanent residency under the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA).  VAWA also allows certain battered immigrants  to seek safety and independence from the abuser by filing for immigration relief without the abuser’s assistance or knowledge .  
 
Domestic violence is wrong, period.  A person’s nationality does not exclude them from the physical and emotional pain that is inflicted from domestic violence.  The best thing we can do as advocates is to remember the warning signs of abuse, stay informed about the issue,  spread awareness and encourage our Federal immigration system to strengthen laws and distribute violence and abuse awareness materials, making them available in multiple languages to each person that comes to their offices and websites. 
 
I am encouraged about the amount of work that has been done with this issue compared to my mother’s time as an immigrant but there is still much work to be done in raising awareness about the problem.  If you see someone who displays signs of being a victim, offer them in confidence the resources they can go to for help.  You will be surprised how far a bit of information and slice of humanity can go to help save a life and lead someone to new found freedom, hope and truly a much better life.

By Lyn Twyman

Out of the many emails I receive, there are some that really stick out in my mind.  One in particular came from a lady I'll call Briana who wasn't a victim of domestic violence, but she had been affected by it.   Briana wrote that she had sat on a jury for about 6 weeks for a case where a young woman, aged 29, was brutally beaten to death, hog tied and tortured by her so called soul mate. "I looked into the eyes of her killer," wrote Briana, " The trial has been over for one week and one day.  I too am a young woman, and that statistics regarding domestic violence are alarming to me.  As I watched this trial unfold, I couldn't help but think about all the young women out there, young girls who will be abused.  Now, I pass women/girls even while grocery shopping and I count them in my mind (I'm number 1.....then 2...then 3....then 4) and I know statistically, one of us will be a victim of domestic violence at some point in our lives.  While all these victims may not die as Jane did.....they all will suffer.  Jane was not new to abuse....she had experienced it in other relationships.  For some reason she believed she was not worth more.  For some reason, she thought abuse meant love." 
 
Briana goes on to write, "I want to do something.  I donated my jury pay to our local non profit organization for sexual/domestic violence.  I'm attending our local "Take Back the Night" march and marching in memory of Jane.  But it's not enough.  I need to reach people....and it seems like all the organizations I have found are predominantly for survivors or current victims and none really focus on reaching out to young women to help PREVENT it.  And that's where I found your website......and thought that perhaps you could offer me some suggestions......some encouragement.....something I can do to help."

Can you imagine, after reading an email like this, it not only touches you, not only inspires you, it IGNITES you  about the work you are doing, about the cause you are fighting.  It makes you realize that people other than victims and survivors really do care about this issue of domestic violence.  People really do want to see change.  The other part of this email that grabbed me was when Briana wrote, "...something I can do to help."

If we are to prevent domestic violence, we have to do something.  It's no good to just talk about; it's no good to just write about it.   You have to really be making efforts to raise awareness to protect those who could be affected or working  to change existing laws and programs in order to better serve victims. 

I am pleased to say that since this initial email, Briana is actively working in her community with others in a domestic violence prevention program.  Within about a week's time of writing this email, she had gotten involved.  Briana not only talked about doing something, she found something she could to do help prevent domestic violence in her local community.

So Briana, Thank You! And thank you to those who have chosen to share the burden  in the good fight even if you are not survivors.  We need you! Because to be an advocate doesn't mean you have to be a survivor, just someone with a heart to help, change lives and make a true difference.